Why Am I Like This - A Series of Bad Decisions

Danny Phantom *TW Suicide*

2014-2015

At the end of grade eleven I met a boy named Danny and I swear on my life he was the living embodiment of the cartoon Danny Phantom. He had black hair that swept over his his eyes and was as thin as twig. He was in the grade below me and we became friends almost immediately on the basis that we were basically the two most emo kids in the school. We were the best of friends and I even let him off easy for being a smoker as I was very against it. We would spend our lunches with Kirk, Meghan and Gabby in the smoker pit and claimed a corner table in the cafeteria everyday in fifth period study hall that we shared.

In January of 2015, I was in grade twelve and we had just returned from Christmas break. I was in a really bad place and was planning a second suicide attempt, one that would really work this time. In between second and third period Danny approached me in the hallway with a sorrowful look on his face. He told me that I was his best friend and thanked me for all that I'd done for him but there wasn't anything else I could do. This was it for him. And he walked away. I was in such a state of shock I didn't know what to do. I skipped third period and ran to the school counsellors office. I told her that I was afraid my friend was going to attempt something that night and she told me to just keep contact with him throughout the day.

That night I texted him constantly me telling him not to do anything and him responding that he needed to. Then the responses stopped. I tried calling him but he wouldn't pick up. I didn't know what to do so I ran to my moms room in a panic. We were able to get ahold of Danny's dad and called the cops letting them know the situation. Danny was placed in the mental ward for two weeks after that and I visited him every single day reassuring him of how much I loved him.

After Danny was released him and our other best friend Gabby started dating and I was so happy for him. They both really needed someone and I was more than ecstatic that they'd found each other. Kirk decided that because they were together we should be too. An offer I turned down again and again. Not that Kirk wasn't attractive he was actually really hot but he was big into parties, drugs and sex and that was just something I didn't want anything to do with.

The four of us were the best of friends and did everything together and were coined as the official emo clique of the school as we all wore black, listened to screamo, and were prone to hurting ourselves (cliches exist for a reason lol) Even after I got my first real boyfriend Conlan, we remained a tight nit squad. After a few months and various suicide attempts from everyone in our crew Gabby and Danny broke up. It was then that Danny confesses the only reason he had dated her was because I didn't want him but he only had eyes for me. I didn't feel the same so I ran. I distanced myself from him until he was just a distant memory of a lonely depressed kid.

Lesson learned: Sadness attracts sadness