// It's just you and I tonight // (A Matty Healy Fanfiction)

1 year later continued

That night I have a weird dream. I'm running after Matty through the woods on Camp... he's laughing over his shoulder at me and he has that look in his eye he gets from coke... I'm straight faced and determined, running and running but as much as I try the distance remains between us. I shout for him to stop but he ignores me, it's like he can't hear me. I wake crying.

I pull myself together and dress then get the bus to school. I have two frees first so me, Holly and Stuart talk in the common room. I tell them about how Matty's doing drugs again and I'm worried and about how I'm going to call him at lunch today. They say they support me and they offer to be there when I call. I tell them I don't want that, this needs to be between me and Matty only.

At break I text Matty to see if he'll reply:

"Hey babe, might ring you later if you're up for a chat?xxx"

He doesn't reply and I start to imagine scenarios... him and his friends bunking college and getting high in some alley somewhere... I try and dismiss these thoughts and join the conversation with the rest of my friends. They all seem so carefree and seem to have it so easy, they're lucky not to have to worry that their cokehead boyfriend could overdose any minute! I envy them.
"Sorry guys I have to ring him now I can't take it" I get up and go to walk out of the common room
"No, Hols it's only 11... George said he could be off his face right now don't-"
"Jamie I have to okay?" I walk quickly out as I call his number and hold the phone to my ear. I go outside and sit on a bench, it's cold out but not too bad and I wait patiently while the phone rings. It rings so many times that I'm about to give up when he finally does pick up
"Hols?..." he sounds sleepy
"Hey!" I say, trying to sound cheery and casual
"You just woke me up... how're ya?"
"Good yeah... look... I'm not gonna sugar-coat this okay? I know you're using again and I just want you to know that we can get through this, I'll help you! You don't need to-"
"Hols Hols Hols.... stop a sec okay? Calm... I don't... I don't want help alright I don't need help I can make my own choices and let's face it the only way I can stop this shit is if I'm with you so it's pointless trying to-"
"You could be with me! You could come down and stay with me or something?! I don't know okay but there's an answer here somewhere and we need to find it!"
"What makes you think there's an answer?! Maybe I'm just fucking destined to be a... a fucking loser for the rest of my life!" I can hear an edge of tears in his voice
"No babe, you're not! Don't say that! I love you, and as long as I love you and you love me we can get through anything" I'm trying hard not to cry now "us against the world?"
"It doesn't feel like us against the world anymore Hols..." I can tell he's crying now "it feels like me against the fucking universe" he lets out a small sob and a sniff as I hold back my own tears
"Right" I sniff "here's what we're gonna do. you're going to come down to mine for a few weeks and you can go totally without... then I'll come up and stay with you for Christmas or something and we can see if you can still stay off it? then we can look at support groups and stuff and we'll find something that helps and you'll be fine again! Yeah?"
"I dunno Hols I-"
"Please just promise me you'll try my plan and then if that doesn't work we make a new one?!"
"Okay" he sniffs and takes a deep breath "I'll try"
I grin and my tears start to fall. "I love you" I say
"I love you too" he says

When we hang up I breathe deeply and pray that this plan will work. Hopefully mum and dad will actually let him sleep on the sofa... I think I'll make up some bullshit about his parents divorce being too much... I don't know if they'd approve of me dating a drug addict!

I walk back inside to see my friends, wiping away my tears. As I sit down Stuart puts his hand on my arm and asks if I'm okay. When I tell him yes he seems slightly disappointed... I think he was hoping we'd broken up! Jamie's overjoyed that it's working out and says she can't wait till he comes to stay.

I don't know what to think... on the one hand I'll see him loads but I'll have to seriously keep an eye and I don't know how he's going to come to sixth form with me and if he can leave his music course?! What about the band?! We need to think this through... it's not all as easy as it seemed!

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'MEDICINE' IS BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOD!

THANK YOU FOR 14K!

Sorry this is late I've been so busy!

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