Loving Lakyn | ✓

[02] Dehumanizing

It's pathetic, the number of girls that come up to him daily, thinking that just because he took their virginity, that they now are soul mates with a deep unbending connection. Like I said, pathetic.

I placed my sweaty palms against the marbled surface, breathing heavily. For that split second, I let my façade break, it was stupid of me to get to wound up over some meaningless boy, but the torment gets to me sometimes, whether I like it or not.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and for a split second, I didn't see Lilac Marie Hayes, the girl with a load of money, an expensive car and the whole student body at her feet. I saw the girl with wishes she'll never be able to fulfill, I saw the girl that just wanted her mom back, the girl that didn't want to be treated like a puppet, the puppeteer being her cruel father.

But that split second was awfully short as Eden came barging through the door, a look of worry on her face as she panted.

I quickly recovered, erasing all previous traces of emotion from my face. I cleared my throat, adjusting my collar, wiping beneath my eyes before turning to face her as I tucked my blonde strands behind my ears.

"What're you doing here?" I asked with an uneasy tone.

Eden tucked a strand of her chocolate brown hair behind her ear as she took a wary steep forward, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Why? 

"Well, I am fine." I replied, followed by a scoff.

Eden nodded seeming clearly unconvinced, "I wouldn't be."

"You wouldn't?" I questioned before releasing what I had just said, "I mean, why?"

If this was Blaire I was speaking to right now, she'd tell me to get over it. She'd say he's just jealous of my life and I shouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Harsh, but she's not wrong.

Eden leant against the sink, "No one likes to be insulted, especially in front of the entire school, practically."

I shrugged, "I'm used to it."

"Then why are you in here, alone?" she pried, "Why does it hurt you so much?"

I gulped. I know she was trying to be nice but she asks too many questions, all of which I don't want to answer.

Answering questions is like giving someone a gateway into your life. And no one deserves that privilege. No one actually wants to know the answers to these questions, they just want something gossip worthy, so they can go mess up my entire life and hold it against me.

One time I went to a party with Blaire, Miles and Lakyn. It was at Miles' house, they had just finished the season, so he threw this big get together thing.

To cut a long story short, I was bored and everyone was doing their own things. My friends had all lost their v-cards already so, surprisingly, I was the last one left. I felt an immense amount of pressure.

Everything is like a competition for me, and the fact I was the last in the running to hand my innocence to someone really didn't agree with me.

So, whilst all my friends were busy, I took this guy upstairs. We had been flirting all night, he was just some guy from the Dayton Devils lacrosse team, he was decently attractive; dirty blonde hair, green eyes and an olive complexion.

He was intoxicated, and so was I. 

I remember grabbing his hand with mine, pulling him up the stairs and leading him into one of Miles' many guest bedrooms, he pushed me on the bed and it didn't feel right.