The Older Man Part I

Chapter 2

I wanted to be able to take that leap of faith and do something daring and extreme, but I was too scared. I was fearful of the consequences. I liked the safety of my "bubble." I couldn't get hurt or used when I was in the arms of mindfulness.

If I decided to push the limits and drink alcohol then there was a chance I could get alcohol poisoning. Drugs were not an option. Unless it was something my parents gave me alongside chicken noodle soup and saltine crackers, it wasn't going in my system.

A little dating app seemed to be the safest option. I couldn't physically get hurt. The only way I would end up in any real danger would be if I volunteered information to a complete stranger, which I wouldn't do in a million years. The only danger I'd be in would be the danger I'd allow myself to be in.

I shuffled my phone back and forth between my two hands as I contemplated whether or not I should entertain the idea of creating an account.

On one hand, I would be signing up for the chance to meet Mr. Right. On the other, I would probably be spending my time just blocking every sleazy message some middle-aged creep sent me.

I weighed all the pros and cons to each option and was certain I had made my decision as I unlocked my phone to delete the app I'd downloaded but never used, but as I stared at the sign-up page on my screen, I was reminded of the words Thalia had told me before the party. "You're 18 now. You deserve to let loose and have a little fun."

Without any recollection of it, I found myself typing all the necessary information into the boxes required for creating an account. The only thing that stood between me and a permanent residency in the "bubble" was the bright red button that read 'sign-up.'

I took a deep breath before pushing the button. The screen remained on a buffering symbol before the home page loaded and revealed many different faces. Some were attractive, some weren't. I began to feel insecure wondering which end of the spectrum I landed on.

I knew that I didn't want anyone I knew personally finding out about this so I set up my ideal distance to the maximum amount it would let me - 70 miles.

I watched as the home page reloaded itself to adjust to my settings. Only three men showed up and they were head turners for all the wrong reasons. I adjusted the distance settings to a few miles less and still came up with only a few options. I finally said screw it and adjusted my settings to the closest mileage to my location. I had told myself that if I saw anyone I knew personally then I would block them before they could ever find out more.

As I completed the final touches to my account by posting photos of myself, messages came flying in. It was a bit of a confidence booster to see how many men were interested in me, especially after the pain I felt from what James had done. A sudden rush of adrenaline would course through my veins every time my phone would sound off with another message alert.

All the guys that had messaged me were handsome but in the same way the boys at my school were. It didn't take long before their faces all blended into one another. Nobody stood out or piqued my interest.

I quickly became overwhelmed with how many guys were sending me flirtatious messages and emojis that I decided to take a break and put my phone down. I couldn't believe how much attention I had gained within just 20 minutes of joining the app.

My focus was solely trained on the movie I was watching on my laptop when another message alert sounded off.

Out of sheer curiosity, I picked up my phone to see what the message was. The notification on my lock screen simply said "You have a new message! Open the app to read it."