This is the happiest I've been in awhile. There's still some bumps and obstacles that I'm still trying to work through, but I know that I'm at least heading in the right direction. I'm not trying to solve all of my problems, fears, and worries in one day. I'm just trying to move forward one day at a time, trusting that God will continue to guide me and be patient with me each step of the way.
I'm praying that my family and friends show me grace and mercy as I try to transition back into our normal relationships. I just feel like I need a few days to clear my head and kind of come to terms with the way that I feel before just hoping back into the swing of my life.
I'm learning to rest, to take a break and breathe as I look back over everything. I'm trying to let go of the masks I've been wearing, and the perfection that I've been chasing after for years that's been weighing me down so much to the point that it's almost driven me insane. I know I'm far from perfect and I'm still a work in progress, but I believe that with each day and each step, I'll become the old me again, but this time, I'll become a new and improved me that isn't still carrying around all of this weight on her own anymore.
The new me will be confident in herself, love herself, believe in herself, see a brighter future for herself and her life. She'll be free from the shame, guilt, regret, condemnation, jealously, envy, anger, bitterness, hurt, pain, insecurity, and doubt that's held her down for so long. So like Psalms 23 says that the Lord makes his sheep lie down in green pastures as he restores their soul - so shall I be.
It'll take time, but I know God will give me patience, grace, and mercy, and that the battle is already won. No longer will depression keep its hold on me. I am free through Jesus Christ, and my life is only beginning. I'm TOO loved and precious to feel defeated any longer. I MUST get up, and run this race that the Lord has set before me. But first I will rest, and as time goes on, I'll not only limp to the finish line, nor will I walk or jog forever, but eventually, if I don't give up, I will run to the end of my race, crossing the finish line and hearing my father say, "Well, done, my faithful, child."
So be encouraged, Daughter. I don't know how everything will work or go after this moment, but I believe that God has your back, and he WILL make ALL things work together for your good! Romans 8:28 is singing over you. You are loved, you are cherished, and you are free.
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Hold Me Still by Forever Jones at the top ^^
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Toxic Traits
SpirituelI need you to fight for me, because I know you're my therapy. - - - It's okay NOT to be okay sometimes. Be honest with God and pour your heart out. He wants to hear you. He wants to see you. He doesn't want you to pretend. He knows you hurt.
