Imagine with Harry part 3
You woke up with Harry next to you. You smiled at his curls plastered to the pillow. You quietly slipped out of bed not wanting to wake him. Your stomach pleaded for food but you ignored it, you had learned to block out the feeling of hunger. You went down stairs and flipped on the big mac that was in your Harry’s office. You sighed as you logged on to Twitter. Countless rude comments were being posted, you saw Harry had tried to defend you last night but it was no help. They hated me, all his fans hated me, maybe it was envy but you didn’t care what the reason was. You wanted to fit the body image of the other boys girlfriends. That was the only thought that you could muster. It invaded your brain, shedding a foggy haze over everything else. You leaned back, you were disgusted with yourself. How did you become this way? The things they say shouldn’t matter to you, you are your own person and Harry loves you so who cares? But you do care, it’s the only thing you care about, it’s the only thing that matters. Harry stirred upstairs and you logged out of Twitter and went into the kitchen, pouring some milk down the drain and some cereal into the trash, and putting a little excess milk in the bottom of a clean bowl and intentionally leaving it on the counter. You went back out to the couch and sent down, pretending to read a book. Harry came down a few minutes later, “Good morning love, did you sleep well?” “Ya fantastic, my backs still a little sore from the fall before though.” fourth lie you had said to Harry. He kissed you lightly on the forehead and asked if you wanted anything for breakfast. “No thanks hun I had some cereal this morning.” fifth lie. “Ok well listen, I have to go in for a special recording session today, just me, some of my solos didn’t’ turn out right yesterday. Liam is free though, you could go over to this house.” Liam had been your friend since before One Direction, he understood you better than anyone, even though you trusted him with your life, he was just another person you hadn’t told about your eating disorder. He had been suspicious, always asking if you wanted food, and even though you felt extremely guilty you lied to his face. I don’t think he ever fully believed you when you said you had eaten but he didn’t push you about it to much. You were excited to see Liam, it had been a while.
It was around 11 by the time you had gotten dressed and drove over to Liam’s house. You had texted him earlier asking if it was ok that you came and he seemed excited to have you. Danielle was out of town so he was pretty lonely. You didn’t even knock on his door to be let in you just opened it. “Hey Li, I’m here!” You shouted. He came running down the stairs “(Y/N) It’s great to see you! It has been way to long. I have movies!!!” You two made a little nest on the floor with pillows and blankets and settles in to watch none other then Toy Story 1 2 and 3. This is what you always watched, it had become a sort of tradition. Normally you two recited the movie along with the characters since you had the whole thing memorized but your thoughts weren’t on the movie today, they weren’t really anywhere, you couldn’t focus. You were in a trance like state, unaware of everything going on around you but still able to respond like you knew what was happening. It was kind of terrifying but a sweet break from reality at the same time. You were stuck inside yourself in your own little world. Liam noticed about halfway through the 3rd movie that you had been staring at the wall the whole time. He waved his hand in front of your face, “Earth to (Y/N), come in (Y/N).” You looked at him after a little bit of this. “Are you ok?” He asked, “You seem really..out of it.” “Oh ya I’m fine, I just didn’t sleep that well” You gave him a reassuring smile.
A few movies later Harry texted you saying he would have to stay really late at the studio and he was just going to stay at the hotel up there so I should spend the night at Liam’s. Harry didn’t like you staying alone, he was worried about you. You asked Liam if that would be ok and he said it would be great. At this point it was around dinner time and Liam got up to order Chinese. He asked you what you wanted but you told him you had eaten a big lunch so you wouldn’t be hungry. He looked at you skeptically, he knew you could never eat a huge meal because you got full pretty quickly. “Really it’s true.” You assured him. He smiled tentatively and went back to his phone call. Your stomach twisted, not from hunger, from guilt. You hated the monster you had become, you pierced your wrist with your nails again, letting bottled up emotions flow down your hand along with your blood.
