Imagine with Harry Part 1
The word fat echoed through your mind, leaving little scars wherever it landed. You had always been sensitive about your weight, you weren’t fat, just not super model skinny. When the one direction fans started slandering you for you “fat rolls” it brought back memories. Your self consciousness loomed over you, covering you in a veil of depression. Old wounds re opening. New insults leaving scars. You kept reading the tweets, you didn’t know why, you almost wanted an excuse to cry at this point. You squeezed your eyes shut, a slow tear dripping down your cheek. You shut your laptop and laid back onto the bed. The memories of cruel laughs that had forever haunted you replayed over and over in your mind. You knew what was going to happen, it had happened in high school. That was one of the coldest times in your life. It haunted your everyday life even though you hardly visited that chapter of your life anymore. Those terrible days where you would lie about the food you had eaten so they wouldn’t find out it had been weeks since your last meal. You could feel yourself slipping away again, once you stopped eating for a few days the disease would take over and it would be harder and harder to quit. You knew the risks, you knew how ashamed you would be of this later but you didn’t care. You lowered yourself onto the floor, shaking from shame and racking tears. You stayed slumped against the wall, emptied of all emotion, the only feeling you had was of self hatred. You never wanted to get up, you wanted to feel the cool wood below your legs forever until you rotted. These were the thoughts that scared you, this was when you started hiding behind others so no one would know how depressed you were. This was your own battle with yourself, you didn’t want others to know about it. You grabbed a pencil and paper off your dresser and wrote your poems, the dark twisted ones, ones you wouldn’t want anyone to see, the ones that reflected your true emotions. You usually kept these demented thoughts locked inside your brain where they decade but when you got like this you would take them out and transfer them to paper, that paper was to later be burned.
You were just finishing up a grotesque piece of writing when you heard Harry pull into the driveway. Hastily you wiped your tears, hid the poems, and composed yourself, putting on your most convincing fake small. You looked at yourself in the full length mirror making sure there was no evidence of tears, before you went down to meet Harry at the door you pulled up your shirt and glanced at your stomach, you sighed as you saw the size of it. No more eating, you thought to yourself making up excuses, trying to justify it to you so you wouldn’t feel so bad. “I’m home” Harry called from downstairs. You lowered your shirt, took a deep breath and made your way into Harry’s arms. He pulled you in close, removing the space between the two of you. “How was your day love?” He asked as he hung up his jacket. “Great!” you lied, you had gotten amazingly good at smiling even when sadness was eating away at you. “That’s good, do you want to order out tonight? I’m exhausted and don’t really feel like cooking much.” He said while settling into the couch. “Oh you can, I ate a really late lunch so I’m not hungry.” The lying had already started, there was no stopping your old friend anorexia now. “Ok, I think I’ll go do that” He got up and his curly locks disappeared into the kitchen. You sighed to yourself, you had never lied to Harry before, you hopped he would understand. You hoped he would never find out about your eating disorder. You hoped you would survive this.
a/n~ please tell me if you enjoy it il upddate the rest soon leave request
