The diary of a second year medical student

Part 2

11.09.2019

I just woke up and wrote in the group chat and asked who is going today on the lectures. And apparently most of them are still sleeping, so I decided I won't go too. That's for now I don't know what I will do. Let me tell you about yesterday.

Yesterday I went on a date with the guy before yesterday, let's just call him Nate. Nate is, so fucking amazing I have notting bad to say about this guy other than to complain about the fact that he didn't kiss me. Like? Come on! He is going away in Spain for the next year and he won't make the most of out of our time. I'm very disappointed. But at the same time when I was with him there were a few times where I was thinking of kissing D and beeing naked with D. Seems like no matter what I do I can't get D out of my head. No matter how good is somebody else to me, or bad. There was a time that I thought that I will forever be in love with D, but last year I felt like I was falling out of love with them. It might sound so cliché, but I swear it's the truth right now I'm constantly falling in and out of love with D. I don't know if I love it, or hate it. I just know that both of the feelings are unpleasant. When I'm loving D I'm in pain because I know I won't ever have them. When I'm not feeling that love I use to feel I'm sad that it's going away and I'm, so use to it. I can't imagine living without loving D the way I did. But here is the thing I will aways love D just not as much as I use to and that's I think even harder. I know that D loves me just not in the way I do. I sometimes think about what being with D would do to them and let me tell you D won't be as happy as they are now with the current somebody that D has. With me D won't travel the world, D won't have kids because I don't want any, D won't be able to show people that they're with me. I will definitely make D sad maybe only when I make something of myself will I have the potential to make D happy. But when that time comes I'm sure D will be married with kids. My relationship with D is kind of complicated, but I will tell you about it some other time, or I will just slowly revel every part of it in my entries. I'm not sure but you will here a lot about D. I think that's that.

Oh, something else I have this friend we will call her Kimberly. She knew I was on a date yet she decided to text me about my dead college. She just asked me if I can talk, and said that there is something important she needed to ask me. So I excused myself from the date and when outside to call her. And when she asked me about it I thought 'dude come on this coud have waited untill my date is over'. Notting will bring him back anyway. So my mood turned bad and I think Kim felt that. I tried not to sound like a bitch I told her yes the rumors are true. And she asked if and why didn't we do something to honour his memory. Like, what? Come again? I will understand you saying that if you at least knew him, but she didn't. I told her that I will talk to her about it later and that even his parents didn't want to tell us.

I think that was all from yesterday. I will see how today goes. I will let you know if there's something eventful.