Chamber by Chamber // Snowbaz

Is That You?

After breakfast, I take Agatha out to a grassy hill that overlooks the school on one side, and Ebbs goats on the other. We sit facing the campus. "Shouldn't we be in class, Si?" She asks me softly. She doesn't seem to particularly care- I think she's just making small talk. I hate small talk.

"What's one day? I just wanted to be with you for a while. We haven't seen each other much since the term started." She nods her head but keeps her eyes on the school. I squeeze her hand and she turns to look at me. I lean forward and tentatively press my lips to hers. It's nice. She pushes back lightly, and that's when I remember the dream. I desperately just want to forget about it. To just get lost in something else- and Agatha is that something else.

I kiss her more forcefully, and even though she seems hesitant, she pushes back just as hard, too. I open my mouth to let her tongue slip in, and she does the same. I put one hand in her hair and the other on her hip. She cups my face. We've kissed before, but not quite like this. While we kiss, images flash in my mind; smooth black hair. Stormy grey eyes. I imagine Baz with his shirt off, my hands trailing his stomach. I have to stifle a moan as I imagine running my hand on Baz's stomach, going lower... lower...

"Baz..." I groan his name, and that's when I realize that I've just royally fucked up. Agatha leans back, removes her lips from mine and jumping away from my touch. Agatha. I'm with Agatha right now. Not Baz. Crowley, the thing I was imagining just seemed so real...

She doesn't look mad, exactly. Just confused and a little bit of something else. "Did you just say Baz?" Her voice is fierce and her brows are furrowed. I stand up, reaching out to her.

"Aggie... Agatha," I say as she moves further away from me. "I did say Baz's name, but not like that! I just... I just remembered that he said something about the Wavering Wood... I think he's plotting something." I lie straight through my teeth. She just scoffs.

"That's rich, Simon!" Remembering my dream from last night, my name sounds wrong coming from her mouth. I don't know why; she's called me Simon since she met me. But the way it sounded coming from Baz's mouth in my dream... "Simon?!" She snaps her fingers in front of my face and I come out of my trance. She just sighs. "Si, I can't do this. I am always competing with Baz! You talk about him all the time, you follow him everywhere so you never have any time for me, and now this? Aleister Crowley, Simon!" She runs a hand over her face and I realize that what she's saying might be true. "Penny is right. We're not in love, Simon Snow. Your heart belongs to someone else... and I'm too okay with that for this to continue... go get him."

I want to argue with her. I want to tell her that she's wrong, and that I am in love with her. That she's never had to compete with Baz. That she's in love with me. But looking at her... I feel the same about her as I do with someone like Gareth. And when I look at Baz, it's like time has stopped just so I can savor the moments that I have with him. I just nod at Agatha, and start running towards Mummers House, leaving her there alone. When I get into my room, I realize that classes aren't over yet, and Baz wouldn't be back for hours.

I decide to take a nap, finally letting myself dream about Baz.

...

I wake up to the sound of our room door slamming shut. I open my eyes and see an angry Baz storming into our room and flopping down onto his bed. "Baz? What's wrong?" He looks over at me like I've grown another head. Do I really never sound concerned about him?

He sneers at me and rolls his eyes. "Leave it alone, Snow." I just want him to say my name. I want to make him say it. More than that; I want to make him moan it. I want to make him moan and groan and I want to make his lips swollen and I just want to snog him silly. I look over at him and see that his hair is falling in waves over his face. I just want to rake my hands through that hair. Tug and stroke and pull at it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Agatha and I broke up!" I don't know why I feel compelled to tell him this... it just seems important. And then it dawns on me that he might not even like blokes. Granted, I didn't think I liked blokes either until my dream last night. He looks over at me and for a second, I see something in his eyes- either hope or hurt. I can't tell which.

"Snow, I'm not your relationship counselor. Go mourn somewhere else, you git." He gets up and starts toward the door, but I stand up quickly and grab his wrist.

"I'm not sad..." He turns and quirks his eyebrow at me. I usually hate it when he does that. I just find it wildly attractive at the moment. "Because I like someone else." Baz rolls his eyes and starts tugging away again. But this time, I grip his wrist harder and spin him around to face me, pinning him against the door. As I look into his eyes, they remind me of my dream. And my fantasy when I was with Agatha. The one where I rubbed his stomach.

I can hear his breath get caught in his throat when I lean slightly forward and slip a hand under his shirt, feeling the smooth skin there. He lets out a shaky breath as I run my other hand from his chest into his hair, tugging gently. He bites back a groan. I tilt his head down and bring his lips to mine. He growls against mine and I just want to hear him say my name. His kisses are even better than they were in my dream. His mouth his cold and soft and I could stay here for hours. But I lean my head down and start trailing kisses down from his mouth until I get to his collarbone.

I gently pepper his neck with kisses and he whisper-groans, "Simon..." Which, in turn, makes me groan right back. We do everything from the things I had dreamt and imagined. I wonder how long he's wanted this. Really, I wonder how long I've wanted it.

I make him say my name thirty more times before the night is over.