𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐇𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 | 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚗 & 𝚣𝚎𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚗

𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆; 𝘰𝘯𝘦

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣𝙚 ; 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘶𝘦

"𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧."

-

caleb zion kuwonu always knew he was different. he was rather different in many ways; most of his insecurity coming from how different he was physically. in a way caleb hated how he looked. he didn't look like the other kids he usually played with. those kids were skinny; those kids had smooth skin that complimented their eyes; those kids weren't freakishly tall for their age. caleb hated it. he desperately wanted to be like those kids. but while staring at himself in the mirror every other night, picking at the pieces of his body he hated, he knew he couldn't be like those kids. he would never look like those kids. and even if people continuously told him he would grow out of it, learn to love his body, deep down caleb knew those sayings were never true. he hated himself and no one was telling him otherwise.

it wasn't until caleb was finally allowed to go to public school that his image began to change. when entering a new building to meet new people, it was a great chance for him to start over. and that's what he did. instead of going by caleb, he wanted everyone to call him zion. it was his middle name. at first only his father called him such name; but when knowing his mind set of being a new him, he only really answered to zion. it wasn't a dramatic change for the family, simply a minor one they easily looked past. but changing his name was only the first step for caleb. as he grew older he grew taller; and as he grew taller he began to thin out. becoming skinny was always something he admired. he believed if he wasn't skinny then he wasn't handsome. and if he wasn't handsome then no one would love him. caleb didn't want to be alone.

that was probably one of his biggest fears.

ending up alone.

but growing up he refused to let that happen. he pushed to his limits on working out, always wanting to maintain a lean figure. he of course succeeded his goal, running into major obstacles in the way. the main obstacle being the fact that he was obsessed with his image. he refused to eat anything that contained too many calories; and if he believed he did eat too much, he would throw it all up later that night. no one suspected he had such disorder until he began to look sick. and it wasn't until he fainted running one day did his family encourage him to get some help. caleb got the help he needed. and eventually he was back to the way he was before. just not fully.

caleb occasionally told himself he was ugly and too fat, but then he would take his prescribed pills and become numb. his thoughts were filled with nothing. it was as if he was high and the second he would come down, facing reality, he would hate himself for ever taking the white capsules. he didn't like the feeling of nothing. it erased all of his emotions and filled the void with darkness and the quiet. it made him feel alone. but what didn't was his passion for music. sometimes instead of taking the medication he would grab his guitar and strum a few cords while humming along to whatever song he had stuck in his mind that day. he loved the feeling so much he began to post covers of himself on the only social media he had. he didn't believe he would get too far with the music, but continued nevertheless.