Loved (Fin)

Kabanata 10

Beautiful Mess

"Nakauwi na si Kat, Sir Juan." Magalang na sabi ng sekretarya niya sa akin. Ano ba ito Katarina? Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko sa pagkainis.

Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Anong ginawa ko? I was just being nice with her secretary. And I even kissed her. Kanina. I don't kiss girls for no reason. I like Katarina. I am sure.

She makes me ache with the urge to touch her. She makes my heart beat race. She makes me think of ways to help her ease her pain. She makes me think of her more than I should.

Just everything about her makes me crazy. At nakakalito iyon para sa akin. Hindi pa ako kailanman nakaramdam ng ganito para sa isang babae. I've been with girls. I played with fire. Pero hindi pa ako minsan mang nagkaganito sa isang babae.

Habang nagmamaneho ay nakita ko ang pamilyar niyang bulto sa parke ng kanilang subdivision.

Nakaupo siya sa open field katabi ang ilang bukas na lata ng beer. She's drinking again. Whenever she felt down. Drowning in misery, she drinks until she turns zero.

Ipinarada ko ang kotse sa gilid ng parke at bumaba. Nang nasa likod na niya ako ay narinig ko ang malamyos niyang boses. Ang tono ay tila may pagmamakaawa. Tila ba hirap at bakas ang luha sa boses.

"Marky.. Is it wrong to feel like this? Damn. I feel like shit." She exhaled loudly at the same time that my heart raced.

"I just want to die and end all of these. I am not allowed to feel anything else than love for you right? Hindi ko kayang magalit ka sa akin. Marky.. honey.. I feel like I am cheating on you.. that's not right.. right?" Humikbi siya ng malakas sabay tapon ng hawak na lata. She screamed so loud I could hear her voice ringing in my ear.

Pero nangibabaw ang pait na nararamdaman ko. So this is all about that huh? She can't fucking compromise because of Marky? Dammit woman! He's gone! I am here!

Look at me love. Look at me and love me.

This is all too sudden but I know. I love her. I fell. Hard. Fast.

"But I want to give myself a chance. No. I want my chance. Honey, will you give me that?" Biglang sumikip ang daluyan ng hangin sa dibdib ko.

She's going for the kill without even knowing I am here hearing all of these. And I am too fucking vulnerable of her. I am too drawn. Stupid but true.

Humakbang ako palapit. Nakasquat sa likuran niya. Ngumiti ako nang maramdaman ang paninigas ng likod niya.

Yes love. I want you all tensed around me. It makes me feel that I have this effect on you that no one else can.

"Go home Juan." Napamulat ako. She knew it was me?

"The night is beautiful Katarina." I slowly said.

"Did you hear what I just said Juan? I told you to go the fuck home." Mataray niyang sambit pero kulang sa conviction. Pilit ang pagpapaalis sa akin. Half hearted.

"Please call me Third again Katarina." I whispered and held her arm.

"Don't push me away.. please?" I pulled her closer to my chest as I sat on the field comfortably.

"No.." marahan niyang sabi.

"Kat." Bulong ko. Masakit sa puso ang pagtanggi niya. Nakakalusaw. Masakit.

"All my life I have always been alone. I felt like it was a sin to love. Until Marky came my way. And just like the curse that seemed to be put upon me, he died." Humikbi siya ng malakas. "Along with my heart. Along with the hope for happiness. Along with the will to go on. I can't Third.." Napapikit ako sa intensidad ng damdaming bumundol sa akin dahil sa malambing niyang pagsabi sa pangalan ko.

"You just don't know what I could do for you Kat. Isang banggit mo lang sa pangalan ko.. Nawawala.. Damn! You make me go crazy. I lose it with just a word from you.. Kat.. I could defy death just to be with you. If you would just let me. Let me." Humigpit ang yakap ko kasabay ng pagsinghap niya.

I want her this close. Ayokong mawala ang pagkakataon ko. Damn girl, you make my world crumble into a stupid piece of bull crap just by the sound of your voice. The smell of your hair. Your eyes, the feel of your skin and the beat of your heart as fast as mine.

"Juan-"

"Third." Pagputol ko sa kanya. She sighed.

"Third.. I can't promise you anything. I am a mess." She cried even more but I felt her sink her face on my left arm. Pinaglaruan ko ang buhok niya.

"You are the most beautiful mess I want, tangled on me. You are the one Katarina. My only one."

We stayed that way a little longer then Third decided to take me home. I want him closer but I don't want to impose. And my stomach is grumbling.

"Do you want to eat at home or should we go somewhere else." Tanong niya habang nagsusuot ng seatbelt. He looked at me. Grabe ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. I never thought my heart could beat this fast.

"Sa bahay na lang. I have to be home. I want to sleep." Sabi ko. Tumango siya at nilagay sa drive ang kambiyo. He held my hand tightly and squeezed it. Hindi niya iyon binitawan hanggang sa makarating kami sa bahay.

That was such a short ride but it even felt shorter because of these feelings inside me. Parang ang bilis ng daloy ng oras kapag nandyan siya. Kapag hawak niya ako. Kapag tila gustong magwala ng halimaw sa sikmura ko dahil sa sobrang saya.

"Drift hijo, make it up with her. You have to accept it. She has all the means to help you. Wag kang magmatigas. Forbe Empire will shut down if you keep on insisting that you can make it alone." Narinig namin ni Third ang boses ni Dad. Mukhang kausap si Drift aa telepono. Sandaling tumahimik siya.

Humigpit ang kamay ko kay Third.

"Don't be stupid son. Hindi magtatagal mawawalan ng pondo ang kumpanya. Hindi ka kayang dalhin ng yabang mo. You need Katarina. Whether you like it or not, you need her help.. Yes. Yes. I am trying to get her to like me atleast so that we can ask her a favor for Forbe Empire.. Yes anak. Not for long. Once she agrees to invest then I can go back there." Hindi ko na kayang pakinggan pa ang sinasabi niya. Mabilis kong hinila si Third paalis dahil alam kong hahagulgol na ako anumang sandali.

Fuck him. Fuck Drift. So now they're after my money? Alam kong hinding hindi ako kayang tignan ni Dad bilang anak niya at tanggap ko na iyon. Pero ang marinig iyon buhat sa bibig niya ay sobrang sakit 

Pumupunit sa puso ko at sa kalamnan. Tagos na tagos. Ang sakit!

"I guess you have to take a break from all of these Kat. May bahay ako na hindi alam ni Tito Grey. We can ask dad to cover up for you. Just go for the meantime. Cool down." Marahang sabi niya. Walang bakas ng awa sa boses niya. Purong pag-aalala at lambing ang naroroon. Isang bagay na pinagpasalamat ko.

Ayokong kaawaan ako ni Third. Hindi sa ganitong paraan gusto kong makita niya ako.

And fuck Dad for doing this. They'll never get my help. No fucking way.