Thoughts and memories

jokingly suicidal

It's funny really, how I thought I was over my depression. But when a friend asked me how I was doing I Said "I just feel like dying but that is okay I Will survive" it was meant as a joke but when I Said it I realized it was True. It never really crossed my mind as wanting to die in particular but the last few days I have been feeling down and feeling worthless all with all it felt like dying was a better option. It's weird how sometimes your unconscious knows more about yourself then you do. Cause if I hadn't Said that Joke, I wouldn't be able to talk about it. I wouldn't know I was unconsciously talking myself down. You see of course i felt myself slip back a little but I didn't think anything of it. But when that simple Joke came out like a statement I realized it wasn't as innocent as I thought. perhaps your thinking but how do you not realize, how do you not realize you want to die. the answer is simple, its because I don't but my mind does