The Devil's Dance

36

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Katia

We had a light session in therapy today. Evelyn knows how hard the last few days have been for me and she decided I needed a slight reprieve. We talked about other things, things that make me happy. We talked about Chris and Olivia. I told her all about dance and my favorite routines. She asked me about Tori and we sorted out my feelings for her. I won't lie to you, I was a little confused. She's attractive and funny. She makes me feel good (when she's not fighting Olivia). I was afraid that maybe it wasn't okay. Maybe I was crossing some invisible line and I should tread lightly. However, Evelyn assured me that even in platonic relationships there's some level of intimacy involved. That's what creates bonds. As long as I don't break any rules or promises previously made to my lover, Chris, there's no reason to feel guilty. Also, no secrets. So I feel better about that now.
I'm now sitting alone on my blanket on the lawn. I'm restless. I didn't sleep much last night. I couldn't. I kept thinking about my mom and brother. Then to take my mind off of them I'd wake Chris for a quickie, but our quickies are never actually quick. Neither of us really got much sleep last night. In turn now, she's a bit cranky. She said she isn't but she is.
I've been procrastinating on calling my father all morning. I want to but I'm just so afraid. I have to do it. I have to or I'll never know. I pick up my phone and my hands begin to tremble. The line barely rings once and he picks up.
"Katia is everything alright?" He says as soon as he answers.
"Yeah dad. Everything is fine."
I hear him sigh, most likely a sigh of relief. He clears his throat. "Good. How are you?"
"I'm okay. How are you?"
"Busy as usual. Tired but I'm well."
"That's good. It's good to hear your voice." I say and I mean it. I didn't realize how much I missed my dad until right now or how much I missed one of his big tight hugs.
"Kit Kat. Are you alright?" His voice softens just a little.
"Uh.. not really dad."
"What's going on?"
"You know I go to therapy now." Of course he knows. It was his idea.
"Yes. Of course. Miss Christine said you haven't missed a session. I thought it was going fine." He says.
"It is dad. It's great. I just... Well the other day mom and Kaden came up." My voice gets weaker.
He makes a grunting sound.
"A-and" I stammer, "it's been bothering me that I don't know anything about them. Do you know where they are? Have you heard from either of them?" I ask.
"Katia." He says sternly.
"Yes, sir?" I answer.
"You need to let them go. They're not even around and look how much stress and heartache they've caused you."
"But dad I-"
He cuts me off, "No Katia, I'm not doing this with you. We've been fine without them all these years."
Something about his statement really just ticks me off. "No dad! You've been fine! I haven't!" I yell, forgetting where I am.
"Don't raise your voice at me, Katia. You will show me respect." He says angrily.
I laugh. I have no idea why other than maybe my body is just so sick of crying this is the only other response it came up with.
"I'll call you back when you're ready to act like an adult." He spews.
"Whatever." I say surprising myself and him.
"Goodbye Katia."
I just hang up the phone. That went well. At least I tried. I can say that much. That's really all I can say. I'm still left with the same amount of answers. Zero.
I text Mistress and tell her that the conversation went terribly.
Mistress: I'm sorry baby. He'll come around.
Me: I hope so.
My attention is grabbed by the sound of a wolf whistle. I look up to see Tori making her way to me.
"Hey good looking." She says standing over me.
"Hey yourself."
"You want an escort to class?" She asks.
I smile. "Sure."
I pack up my blanket and head to the studio with Tori. We're making small talk and she's telling me a few jokes I've never heard but they're actually pretty funny. We get to the studio door and she hands me my bag.
"I missed you yesterday." She says.
"I missed you too."
"Is everything okay?" She asks, "you seemed kind of down outside."
"No. Everything is not ok but it will be."
"Is it your girlfriend? Because I'll beat her up." Tori says slamming her fist into the palm of her other hand.
I laugh. "Easy Muhammad Ali. No one needs to beat anyone else up and no. It's not her. I'm just having some family problems."
"Well I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to." She says. Her voice is serious and filled with sincerity.
"Thank you Tori. I appreciate it."
She stares at my lips before looking away. "Well you should go put your tutu on or whatever you guys wear in there."
"No tutus today." I say.
She laughs and shoves her hands in her pockets. "Okay so. I'll see you later?" She asks.
"Yeah. Later. I'll text you."
She nods. "Cool. Okay."
We share an awkward silence before she waves and dismisses herself.