Diary of an Outcast

21/08/19 Dear Diary,

'I'm empty, lost, alone and confused.. Fighting within my own mind and mentality is so fucking tiring, its like a bloody warzone its either pretend to be happy and not let anyone acknowledge how miserable and empty you are on the inside or its either let all your feelings out in words and shit but still everyone will think you're seeking attention its either do or die. I know all i got is myself to fight through this mentality but its so tiring on my own. I've tried looking for different sources like my writing and meditation but it all seems so temporary, i don't know what is so special in this world and sometimes i don't even know my own purpose but sometimes i do and i hold on to that little hope i still have left within me. Without hope, there's nothing really worth living for which then leads you more into a deeper greater darkness. I thought my purpose was to help others with situations like myself like within my own mental state and i even thought if i cant even help myself how will i ever help others? Then i thought, helping others empowers yourself to become stronger and become grateful of what at least you still have left.. It seems selfish i know but at the same time its not because you are giving the other person hope too so its kinda like a win-win situation thing. My emotions are confusing its like one day i'm in darkness and suicidal ideations and shit like that appear, the next day i'm elated for no reason at all. Today i don't know whats to come, right now i am hopeful and mindful but at the same time i just feel so neglected and empty.'

Fazzie's message to all of you beautiful, gorgeous readers: If you feel trapped, empty, dark or alone or all of the above, please don't give up. Please seek some support, advice and help because you really are not alone. There are people out there who truly care and who you can just shoot out all your feelings, swear and whatever to, and i promise it just feels so much better just letting everything out. Don't bottle it up because it will only damage you further and make you even miserable. Don't pretend you're happy when you're not happy because it will only lead you to your misery, just let everything out. Please do not resort to self harm because i promise you, the so called 'buzz' is only temporary and then you're back to feeling like shit again. Please talk to somebody you trust about anything you're having difficulties with, mentally.  You are beautiful, you are strong and you are wise. At any moment you feel like giving up, please wash off the day from you by taking a nice, warm shower and listen to your heart beating. Yes, you made it through another day! I love y'all, stay strong! <3 x