How I Became The Sea

Let Me Remind You

Let me remind you

of the time that 

I shoveled through my mistakes;

on my knees.

I've wandered lonely through my phases:

sensations

waves

and a couple of hurricanes.

Let me remind you

of when I looked you in the eye

and you bluffed my eyes with manipulation.

Let me remind you 

that years pass and people wander;

mistakes become scars

relationships become burdens

homes become dry

and empty.

Let me remind you 

the same way that you've reminded me 

that my kindness was an advantage,

that my love was foolish

that my emotions were true

that my thoughts were pure, 

I know my face said different.

My instinct was telling me to smile.

I was confused when I shouldn't have been.

I was murmuring my words when I should have been screaming.

I was keeping quiet when I should have been raging.

Crying.

Kicking.

Seeping.

Weeping.

Bleeding.

Seeking.

I've been screaming for too long.

But now the quiet waters have summoned me.

They've summoned back home.

I'm home. I was home.

I was loving those who were worthy of love, but not my time.

I encouraged myself to love 

those who do not have time

for me

in their lives;

those who are always on the go,

those who want out, 

those who have never considered me.

Those who are your closest friends,

but who are also strangers.

It seems like I've been living in a different realm.

Did I miss anything?

I think I only missed you.

Friend, 

Let me remind you of the moment 

when you reminded me

that I need to make my coffee a little stronger: a pupil widener

that I must insist on growing my ego a little bigger: a mind opener

that I shall set my emotions on "do not disturb" mode: a peace maker.

Friend,

Let me tell you that I have conquered life all at once

in the same rhythm

that my heart beats;

every millisecond is a chance that I take.

I found myself through people who took their last breaths,

I created opportunities where the gutter was only present.

I cried when I should have been praising every ounce of fiber in my body for courage.

And bravery. 

And love.

I should have been grateful for those.

I shouldn't have been stuck on you.

You're just another spec in the wind.

Friend, 

I want you to know 

that I'm a limited woman, but I'm limitless within infinity,

that I'm a boundary-bound species, but I'm focused; I have dreams,

that I'm a vulnerable one, but try me once. My kindness reels over hatred. 

Take a step back, my friend.

Take a step back and look into my eyes.

Let them remind you.

All you need to do is look. Into. My. Eyes. 

You will find all the memories there. 

Waiting for you. Perhaps, longing for you

begging for you

to save them

from hiding in a closet

in my head

that disposes memories

into forgotten thoughts

that need not any occupation 

in the head of a poetess.

Friend, please

remind me to never

lend someone my trust.

It never ended well;

for you, anyways.