Good Omens Oneshots

♪8 • Red Locks♪

Aziraphale X Crowley X Hastur

It's not a threesome I promise. It's just a fluffy moment.

Around 2013

"Hastur," Crowley whined before letting out a groan. "Have you ever heard of a shower?"

"I...haven't," Hastur replied, sounding confused. He looked even more confused.

"Figures. Beelzebub has trust issues," Crowley mumbled and turned his head to the side. He then felt a sharp pull of his hair. "Ow, Angel!"

"Keep your head straight, dear." Aziraphale had spoken sweetly, but the tugging of his hair to straighten his head again wasn't so sweet.

Hastur curled his lip a bit, looking quite concerned at the Angel sitting on the floor, doing something with Crowley's hair. "Why did you summon me?" He asked the other demon.

"Oh, no, that was me," Aziraphale replied with a grin, glancing up at Hastur.

The froggish demon gave a much disgusted look to the two of them. The redhead put his hands up in front of him and commented, "Hey. I had nothing to do with this, it was all his idea."

"Why?" Hastur asked, disgust seeping in his tone.

"I figured Hell needed a little lesson in style," Aziraphale explained, "you all seem to be lacking."

"Hey!" Crowley nearly shouted, turning his head twords the Angel behind him.

Aziraphale patted Crowley's shoulder gently. "Not you, dear." He then readjusted the other's head so he could finish what he was doing. Once he was all done he clapped his hands together and looked up at Hastur. "Come sit, darling!"

Hastur scoffed and gagged. "Did you just ca-"

Crowley interrupted him. "Just go with it," he insisted calmly.

Hastur gasped for a breath of air and overdramatically let it all back out. With a resentful grunt, he went behind Crowley and stood there awkwardly.

"Sit," Aziraphale demanded aggressively with a soft smile.

Hastur shook his head. "I'd rather-" Before he knew it, he was feeling only the holiest of miracle hands pressing down on his shoulders. This forced his knees to buckle and he collapsed right onto his butt.

"Angel," Crowley said quickly, turning enough to look at Aziraphale. "Be nice," he requested, only a tad serious. Aziraphale merely gave him a very warm angelic smile in return, flashing a little nose scrunch at him. The redhead just couldn't help but laugh a little at this and face forward once again.

Hastur got the point. It had to do with this lowly demon's hair. He stared at the red strands, all interweaving each other so smoothly. He shook his head a little. "What am I looking at?"

"A french braid," Aziraphale answered quite proudly, sitting tall as he turned his head towards Hastur.

"French?" Hastur questioned. Yeah, maybe he wasn't getting the point.

Aziraphale sighed softly and slouched, but only for a moment. He wouldn't allow himself to go too long without proper posture. "Yes, French." He started to undo the braid that he had just done, unweaving every strand with much delicacy. "I'm going to teach you how to do it."

Hastur nearly gagged again. "Oh, you're joking."

"That's more of a demonic hobby," Aziraphale responded, possibly taking the whole joking idea too seriously.

Aziraphale carefully brushed out Crowley's hair, making sure it was all flowing together and had no uncontrolled strands. Once it was all ready he started going through each of the steps slowly for Hastur. He explained as he demonstrated, speaking over Hastur anytime he attempted to interject. He was just so elegant with what he did.

"Now you try." Aziraphale had just undone Crowley's hair once again.

Hastur stared at the red hair for a few moments, fire brewing in his eyes. Crowley cleared his throat, forcing Hastur to stop with the anger and do as the Angel said. He cautiously grabbed strands of Crowley's hair, attempting to mimic what Aziraphale had just showed him. One strand over another, pulling more in as he went along. He was making such a mess of the beautiful crimson hair.

"Make sure it's taut, yet relaxed," Aziraphale commented as he oversaw Hastur's movements. For the first attempt it wasn't...too bad?

Hastur angrily gripped the strands in his hands and a book that sat on the floor caught fire miraculously. Crowley quickly, though quite nonchalantly, snapped his fingers at the book and the fire went out like nothing. Not a touch of damage was done to it.

"Relaxed is key, dear." Aziraphale smiled warmly towards Hastur, not paying much mind to his frustrated twitch.

Hastur kept going, pulling at the strands yet still managed to have them all fall loose. Some strands completely fell out, others were too short too soon, and he just didn't know what it was he was doing wrong. "Damn this, Angel." Hastur gritted his teeth and threw a fist at Aziraphale.

Once again he was stopped by one of the two. It was Crowley, turned and contorted enough to grab Hastur's fist in his palm. "You lay a finger on my Angel and braiding my hair will be the lassst thing to ever do," he hissed out the threat, glaring into the nasty demon's eyes with his own behind his sunglasses.

Hastur grumbled angrily and pulled his fist back. He scowled as he watched Crowley turn back around for him again.

Aziraphale, obviously not phased by Hastur's anger, smiled innocently at him. "Let's just try again, shall we?" He took over to undo all the messy, almost dreaded strands. He used a little miracle to loosen the bad knots that formed before he'd even brush the hair, not wanting to accidentally hurt Crowley.

Once the hair was good and ready again, Aziraphale instructed Hastur to start again. Once the demon got ahold of the hair, the angel put his hands over the other's to guide them. He guided them through the whole braiding process, helping Hastur pull tight enough to make sure the strands stayed in place, but also made sure none of it was too tight overall.

It didn't turn out as perfect as Aziraphale's lone braid, but it wasn't terrible for Hastur. "Amazing job!" Aziraphale praised happily, clapping a bit with excitement. "Would you like to try again without guidance?"

"Absolutely not," Hastur said with a shake of his head. He pushed himself up to his feet.

"Well, thank you for your time, dearest!" Aziraphale excitedly replied, grinning. Crowley had a smirk of his own on his face. Aziraphale was trying to test Hastur now.

Hastur refrained from gagging this time, all with a sort of self-control he certainly didn't have before. He nodded a bit, giving a very fake half smile back. He left then without a goodbye in a flame.

The two both shared a good laugh once Hastur was gone. Crowley turned around to face Aziraphale, then hugged his knees to his chest. "You know, Angel, I believe you just successfully tempted a demon."

Aziraphale grinned quite mischievously for an ethereal being. "A Duke at that."

They both broke out into another fit of laughter. Crowley fell right over on top of Aziraphale's legs, grinning. He sprawled out comfortably, discreetly eyeing the Angel from behind shaded glasses. Aziraphale was smiling down at him happily, something he probably would have done even if Crowley didn't have his tosses on. Today was a good day.