south park: Kyle x Cartman

Chapter 7

Cartman POV

Later that same day.

God damnit why does he keep being like that?! Can't he just forget about what happened and move on?? That would make everything so much easier! Jesus fucking christ! I need to vent about this.
I stood up and went to my desk. I sat down and took up my diary. I would talk to someone but I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm a pussy. I've only ever been really vulnerable infront of Kyle back then, but I can't be all in touch with my emotions like some hippie. So instead of talking to someone I just write it down, I feel like that helps just as much, if not more.
I took out my pen and started writing;

Today was hard. Kyle started being all up in my business with his gay self and trying to make me love him or something. He could never make me love him. That's mostly because you can't make me feel something I already do, and have done for so long. It's fucking hard to have to see him everyday and not start singing about how much I love him with every gay vein in my heart.
But I can't do that. The more I think about it the less I feel like I'm ready for it. After what happened with Kyle when we were 16 I realized how much I wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't want to end up being mean to him and drive him away, like I did with Heidi in the 4th grade. But I always seem to do something like that. I was also really hurt that he seemed to want to keep me a secret. It's not like he's married and I'm his mistress so I don't get it
Why is everything so complicated?
Why can't I just tell him how I feel without being so worried about everything?

I closed my diary and put it away. I feel empty all of a sudden. I would give almost anything just to get to hug Kyle right now.
Then I heard a sort of ding. I looked at my phone. It was a message. Please be Kyle.

Stan: hey, dude

Damn it.

Me: hi, what's up?

Stan: I'm thinkin' about having a little sleepover this weekend. Just us, Kenny, Kyle and maybe Butters?

Me: sounds good

Stan: but my parents are going to be at home all weekend so I was wondering if we could have it at your house?
Stan: please please pleeeasee??

Me: ugh fine, but you buy the snacks!

Stan: yess!

Just my luck that I get invited to a sleepover at my own house. But it could be fun. Maybe we'll get drunk and usually when Kyle gets really drunk he gets really cuddly and though I'd never admit it, I really like when we cuddle. It's happened like five times before, and even though it's only when we're both drunk and always joke around and say no homo or something, I always enjoy it. Having him so close to me feels like nothing I've ever felt before. It's like I'm completely safe from all the bullshit in the world and it's just the two of us, no one else exists.
I'm kind of looking forward to the sleepover now. I send Stan one more text.

Me: can you get some alcohol or something?

Stan: already on it

I smile. I know it's not right to take advantage of a drunk person, which is why it's so good to know that we're just doing something we're both too afraid to do while sober. I've never regretted cuddling with him afterwards and I know he hasn't either. And we are only cuddling, I doubt we'd do anything more than that.