HAZE OF HOPELESSNESS

Chapter twenty two

I used to think that
I would never fall in love
And then you showed me
That you could be everything I want

I gave my heart away
They put it on a shelf
And took it down
Only to break it into pieces
And then you came around
Picked me up off the floor
You put me back together
I couldn't believe it

Let me get this straight
You don’t want to date
You just wanna be someone I can always turn to
Right until the end
Can you say that again?
I'm sorry i just wanna make sure that I heard you

I waited for you my whole life
You don't know what you mean to me
If you asked me to be your wife
I would turn around and say

You mean to tell me that
I could have you whenever I want
I could tell you that I love you
When you love me too
No more waiting forever our love
But i would wait all over again
If it means I get you

Yasmeen POV

"Don't worry mum, i can take care of myself "

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure"

"Okay dear, if you need anything, am just one call away okay?  I love you"

"I love you too. Goodnight mum"

"Goodnight baby" she said after giving me one glance and walked away, leaving me alone in my world

Flashback

Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas (may Allah be pleased with him) said : I said : "O' messenger of Allah, which of the people are most sorely tested?" he said: "the prophets, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with his level of religious commitment. If his religious commitment is strong, he will be tested more severely, and if his religious commitment is weak, he will be tested in accordance with his religious commitment. Calamity will keep befalling a person until he walks on the earth with no sin on him." Sahih at-Tirmidhi

Yasmeen dear, in life there are going to be obstacles that will cause interference, but we must learn to overcome these challenges and grow stronger. I know right now all you want to do is to stop the pain and by Allah, if i have the power to, i will in a blink of an eye but i can't, no one can, only you can, only you can help yourself and you will

Today as your mother, am telling you to be strong, i want you to fight for your right no matter what, don't made the mistake i made, say no when you have to and never, i repeat never let anyone look down on you, not even your husband. From today, you Yasmeen Yaseer will walk with your head held high up, when you speak, speak with courage, when you laugh, laugh like you have the whole world on your feet, don't let someone's word or action get to you, from now on, you will live for yourself, and no one else, ONLY FOR YOURSELF

End of flashback

I stood up and sat beside the window as i watched the beautiful city of Abuja as heart beat, echoes into the cold streets. Where nightmares and darkness begin to meet. Birds chirping happily and just for once, i wish i can be like them, with no worries and full of life

I watched as Mr Mansur walked out of  his house with his wife, Aunty Ummu and there 8month baby girl on his shoulder, probably going out for a stroll

I rub my hand on my stomach as i think of my own child.

Flashback

"You lost the baby"

At that moment, my world stopped. I was confused. Should i be angry? Angry at the doctors for not saving my child or angry at Amaar for killing my child? Or should i be happy? Happy that my child doesn't have to see how cruel the world is and from been saved from the man i called my husband? Or should i be sad? Sad that he broke my heart and that my child left me too?