HAZE OF HOPELESSNESS

chapter twenty

Hajiya Balki (Yasmeen Mother) POV

Flashback

I let out a groan as my eyes flickered open

Hmm the queen is awake, i heard Yaseer voice from the other side of the room. Turning my head to his side, i saw him walking towards me

How are you feeling? He asked holding my hand which make me flinch a little. Okay am sorry ,i jus..

Why did you hide the truth from me? I ask interrupting him

I didn't, i wanted to tell you but i know if i do, i will lose you and i wasn't ready for that. By Allah Balkis, i love you, looking frustrated, he run a hand over his head

Am a cult member, he said in one breath and i swear to God, that moment, that moment all i want is to run away from this world, this cruel world but i know i can't as a feeling of fear i can't describe surround me, so i let out a shaky laugh, trying to fight back the tears that was already flowing

Divorce me, i found myself saying without any feeling of regret

What? Balkis i know i don't deserve your forgiveness but you can't just leave me, ple..

Forgiveness huh?? Yaseer forgiveness you said, OK even if i decide to stay, where are we going to start from? Inalilahi, you know what, to hell with your love, am living this house with or without you divorcing me, i rather live in the street than stay with a cult memb..

Okay fine, you can leave but on one condition which is, you must leave without Yasmeen, and oh, congratulation, you are 2weeks pregnant ,he said and walk out on me

I sat in self-hatred as i drown in my own tears, pain my mind can't share feel my body. I let out a shaky laugh, trying to calm myself. Yeah i know children are blessings from Allah but at this moment, that the last thing i needed

Yasmeen, where is Yasmeen? He.. he will kill her, he will kill her, i said running out of the room to her room but she wasn't there, i went to Mubarak room but she wasn't there too

Where is my daughter? I ask Yaseer who was sitting in the living room watching football.  Yaseer where is my daughter? i ask as anger built up in my blood

Hey chill babe. You don't have to shout you know, well, i took them to Ya Salamatu house after seeing your condition, i thought you will need some alone time in other to clear your head, and point of correction, not MY DAUGHTER, but OUR DAUGHTER, okay? He said with no any sign of emotion or what so ever

Why Yaseer? Why? I know this is not the man i married. I promise you i will do anything you want, just please leave us alone, don't hurt Yasmeen, please, i said breaking down in tears

Am sorry, i wish i can do something about it but i am hopeless, my hands are tied. All those miscarriage that you had, i was behind them, i killed our babies, he said with a hint of sadness in his voice

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out, not even a single word. I closed it and opened it again but still, nothing came out, the whole room start to suffocate me, i couldn't breath, i ran outside gasping for breath

I felt broken, i want to scream, i want to cry but the pain was too much that all i want was to pull my aching heart and tear it piece by piece, maybe then i will feel better, maybe then, i will feel nothing, or maybe then, i will stop loving him

After sitting down there for what seem like forever, i walk to my room to perform wudhu for magrib. After concluding my prayer, i sat on the prayer mat looking at nothing in particular when everything came crashing back, not one by one but all at once