Living with Ana

Chapter 1: Living with Ana

My name is Lilia. Sometimes my friends call me Lia. Let me just say, I did not ask for this to happen. But society seems to think doing this to teenage girls is okay, but it really isn’t. It was society who taught me that I wasn’t good enough, that it would be so hard to love myself. It all started when I was hardly thirteen. Barely old to enough to realize what I was doing to myself. Barely old enough to realize what all of this would turn into.

Barely old enough to know that this disease would take over my life.

We call her Ana, short for anorexia. She is the queen bee, and we are all her bitches. We obey her; and we listen to what she tells us. We believe the horrid things she whispers in our ears. She is the main voice we hear in our little innocent heads. Why do we listen to her, you ask? It’s quite simple, actually. It’s because she is the only one who can take us down the path of perfection. And to me, perfection was what I thrived for.

So I’m going to take you down my path; tell you my story and how I cope with her.  The bitch who constantly tells you that you aren’t good enough and that you need to starve yourself to be beautiful.

****

“Lilia! Wake UP! You’re going to be late! Again.” This is what I hear from my mother every morning, hollering up the stairs to my room. I open one eye, glancing at the green glowing numbers of my alarm clock. It reads 6:47. Now it was definitely time to get up. I groan and roll out of bed, the stars dancing in front of my eyes, making me blind and dizzy, as usual. I run my fingers through my waist length silky straight light brown hair as I shuffle to the bathroom.

The girl who stares back at me in the mirror has tired eyes and pale, cold skin. I turn on the faucet and scrub my face with a fruity smelling facial wash. I pat dry and glance back in the mirror. Her eyes are alive and her skin is warm and rosy. This was the girl that everyone knew. If only they knew what hid behind the mask.

After getting dressed, putting in my contacts, and doing my makeup, I trudge downstairs, were my sister is sitting at the table flipping through a Seventeen magazine and eating a huge bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. “Morning Lil,” she says with her mouth full, calling me by my childhood family nickname. I look away, trying not to be grossed out by the amount of sugar and carbs she’s consuming so early in the morning.

“Good morning Vanessa,” I reply cracking open an ice cold water bottle and squirting lemon juice inside. Breakfast=0. “Want a ride to school?” She now asks. I give her a look and grin. “Hell yeah. Do you think I want to go on the nasty smelly bus with a bunch of fuckers that I hate?” She smirks at me as Mom clumps into the kitchen wearing a pair of Stilettos.

“Lilia watch your mouth,” Mom scolds, shoving a croissant into her mouth. I roll my eyes, knowing she shouldn’t be one to talk with her trucker mouth; which explains where I get mine from. She eyes the Poland Springs water bottle in front of me. “I know that’s not all you’re having for breakfast.” Mom said. “You know I can’t eat breakfast, Mom.” I say innocently. “Otherwise I’m nauseous for the rest of the day.” She makes a face but doesn’t say anything.

Ana has made me into a compulsive liar.

I pop a piece of sugar free Orbit gum into my mouth and grab my pink Coach purse off a nearby chair and sling it on my shoulder. “V, are you almost ready to go?” Vanessa chugs the rest of her milk from her cereal bowl and plops it into the sink. “Ahh,” she says. “That was good. And yup, let me grab my keys and we can get going.”

****

"Liiiaaaa!" I heard my best friend, Sophia sing-song. I turn around and smile at her "Hey!" I reply with a big smile on my face. I can be so convincing. "Ugh, are you ready for that big Spanish test fourth period?" She groaned.