All at Once (Complete)

xiii. Time

Nate gave a tight-lipped smile before sighing and sitting up straight in his seat. The frown lines were back and I can't remember a time when I'd been more anxious to hear my brother speak.

"It's back, Rye. The cancer came back."

My whole world stopped.

-  

When I was sixteen my mum was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. It's the rarest and most aggressive type of breast cancer, with only 2% of all breast cancer cases being inflammatory.

It was a Tuesday morning and I was up getting dressed for school when my mum barged into the room, she looked very worried and stressed, with dark circles beginning to form under her eyes.

"Where is your father?" She asked, a tightness in her voice that had me narrowing my eyes.

"I'm not sure; I think he's in the shed... Why? Mum, what's wrong?" I began to get anxious, and confused.

There was nothing that was out of the ordinary with our family at the time. Nate and I were both doing well in school and keeping out of fights, Dad hadn't been enlisted to the navy recently and nor was he expected to be anytime soon. Everything was good, great even. We were normal.

In my mind, there was nothing for her to be freaking out about. I was very wrong.

Mum was frazzled when she left my room, rushing down the stairs to the shed. I followed quickly behind, restless to see what all the fuss was about.

We walked past Nate in the kitchen and as soon as he saw the stressed state of mum and the worried state of me, he joined or line.

"Hey mum, what's wrong?" He asked in the skeptical tone he used whenever he wanted a definite answer. Mum didn't oblige though, and continued speed-walking toward the shed.

When she finally hit it, the door flew open with the force of which she pushed it.

Dad was immediately alert and confused, holding mums arms and checking her up and down for obvious injuries, it was a habit he had, one that I assumed fueled from years of working dangerous navy work.

"Dianna, what's happened?" He asked, looking back up to her face.

Instead of answering him, she stepped back and lifted her shirt.

Nate and I both covered our eyes, with shouts of "ew, mum!" until we heard the tortured gasp that came from dad.

Immediately our eyes were open and drawn to the red, bruised and swollen lump that was mum's breast. Normally, I would have been disgusted, except that there was definitely something very wrong that was much worse than having to look at my mum's boobs.

"Mum had it, Aunty Nell had it, and now I've got, Isaiah. I've got cancer."

-   

I pulled back into reality and just stared at my brother, sitting rigid and distressed in the chair. It was back, mums cancer had returned.

After she was diagnosed, mum underwent 2 years of chemotherapy and radiology before she was given the all clear. We were told the cancer was gone, that mum was safe from this disease that had already taken so much from her and our family.

"You're sure. You're sure its back?" I asked, stumbling into the lounge behind me.

It couldn't be true; this was all some big mistake. Mum was fine, probably sitting with dad and having a few glasses of wine out on the deck.

She wasn't sick. She wasn't going to die.

My mum was going to be okay.

"No, you're lying, Nate." I stood, now mad that such a suggestion was made in the first place. Nate stayed calm, though. As if he had expected this reaction from me.

"Am I, little brother?"

No, he wasn't. He wasn't lying. My mum had cancer again, and this time it was probably going to kill her.

-   

"I'm going, right now. I'm going to see her."

"Riley, think about this."

"Think about it? What is there to think about, Nate? Our mother is dying of breast cancer, she is sitting in a hospital bed alone and I'm going to see her."

My heart pounded and my head hurt as I stormed up the stairs to my room, struggling not to barge into everything within sight.

I was mad, mad at the world, mad at the doctors... and mad at myself, for not seeing this coming. I was too clouded in my joy and relief of mum being healthy; I didn't even consider that it could come back.

Ignorant. That was my only word.

When I reached the room, my door was slammed open and I could've sworn I heard it splinter, but I didn't care.

I pulled my duffle bag out from the closet and began shovelling every item of clothing I had into the bag. I didn't fold them or worry about them fitting. I didn't care; all I wanted was for it to be done so I could go.

I was so mad, so clouded in my grief that I almost tackled Nate to the ground when he touched my shoulder. If he hadn't also been trained in multiple fighting techniques, he would have been on the ground, with my elbow upon his throat.

Instead it was me who ended up in a headlock, with Nate cutting off most, but not all of my oxygen.

"Are you ready to calm down yet, Rocky Balboa?" He asked, again with the smart-ass commentary.

Instead of answering him, I tried to switch our positions, but only ended up with his arm snaked tighter around my throat.

I huffed, thoroughly annoyed that I wasn't able to over-power him. It wasn't a common feeling.

After another minute or two of struggling, I growled out a low, "fine."

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Nate asked, his tone drowning in sarcasm.

"I said Fine, smart-ass. Fine." I wouldn't have been able to keep the growl from my voice if I tried.

"That-a-boy," he replied, finally releasing me from his headlock. I rubbed my neck but was otherwise fine. Stupid Asshole.

"You calmed down yet?" He asked, I didn't reply, instead turning back to my bag, where I continued to shove the clothes into it.

"You're really gonna go? Just leave and head back to Sydney?" He asked. I jerked toward him and narrowed my eyes.

"Yeah, what part of that wasn't clear? Maybe you should do the same, or are you not a mamma's boy anymore?"

"Well, little brother, the part that wasn't clear was who the hell is going to take care of that girl while you're gone?" I growled.

"What girl?"

"The one sleeping in that room," he pointed to the door that held a sleeping Sabine behind it, "the one that is relying on you for her safety, for her life. Are you really going to risk that?"

No. I realised. I wouldn't risk that, couldn't risk her.

Without answering his questions aloud, I walked past Nate and to the door of Sabine's room, slowly creeping it open so as not to waken her.

She was sleeping just as I had left her, with no sign of any nightmares whatsoever. I sighed.

"No. I can't leave her," I said, knowing Nate had settled behind me.

"That what I thought."