Episode Seventeen: The Deadly Desert

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(Start in the Neksdor Desert. Zoom in on DAPH-NII's feet walking on the sand in cute purple flats. The GUARDIAN's pendant is around her neck. ANNALISE trails behind her.)

Daph-Nii-It's just me and my horse walking through the desert. What did I come here for again?

Guardian-To go after the Dark Lord?

Daph-Nii-I remember now! I'm going after the Dark Lord!

(She sees an HP Banana on the ground.)

Daph-Nii-Ooh, a banana. Cool.

(She puts the banana in her satchel and keeps walking.)

Daph-Nii-Speaking of cool, it's a lot cooler than I remember. And brighter.

Guardian-Daph-Nii, we're in a desert. It's supposed to be very hot.

Daph-Nii-Yes, and I remember it being much hotter.

Guardian-This isn't exactly the right outfit to be tromping around in the desert in.

Daph-Nii-Shut up, Gwardian. You're the one who gave me this dress.

Guardian-I only gave it to you reluctantly.

(DAPH-NII is already ignoring him, staring off into space.)

Daph-Nii-What is my purpose in life? When's something gonna happen?

Guardian-I mean, that banana is something.

Daph-Nii-But I was thinking, like, a battle.

Guardian-You want a battle? I'll show you a battle.

Daph-Nii-And what's that supposed to-

(A scaredy-scorpion rises out of the sand.)

Daph-Nii-Whoops, and there's a battle.

(Opening theme.)

Daph-Nii-Guardian, was this your doing?

Guardian-I swear it wasn't. The Dark Lord's monsters are very conveniently placed.

Daph-Nii-I can't wait to show off my new weapon!

(She reaches into her new skirt and pulls out a microphone.)

Guardian-Now, Daph-Nii, you're new in the Pop Star job, so I recommend you take it easy for your first battle.

Daph-Nii-Screw it.

(The scaredy-scorpion attacks her.)

Daph-Nii-And of course it goes first! I don't have dat thief speed anymore. I'll show you!

(She attacks by throwing her microphone. Then she just sorta stands there.)

Daph-Nii-You mean you're not gonna attack me?

(Shot of the scaredy-scorpion cowering.)

Daph-Nii-FUCK YEAH!

(She attacks again. The scaredy-scorpion attacks her back. DAPH-NII attacks one more time, defeating the scaredy-scorpion.)

Daph-Nii-See? There. Done. Yeet!

(Fade to that evening. DAPH-NII is walking again.)

Daph-Nii-I'm a bit nervous. What if this is the part of the game when it starts getting hard?

Guardian-Game?

Daph-Nii-Yeah! Didn't you already hear my analogy in the first season about how we're all characters in the big RPG of life?

Guardian-First season?!

Daph-Nii-Yeah! What we did in Greenhorne! Remember my analogy about how we're all characters in the big anime of life?

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