To My Future Cheating Husband

LXIII. Proud to be Me

"You never know," I said, feeling his bare left hand brushing against mine and a smile appear on my face. "The future is unpredictable."

I look back to my left to see Mary staring forward. Her eyes were in a trance, a total distance. The corner of her lip curls up slightly, watching the scene in front of us. The discomfort inside my stomach only return.

And when she can no longer hold back the full fledge smile; I knew the truth.

"There's Wen," Mary whispered, and I look forward to seeing her modeling down the hallway with Sarah and Zoey behind her, along with a few others.

She stopped when she ran in Ben. They stood there momentarily, and I knew he wanted to say something. Before he had the chance, she brushed past his shoulder and continued walking. "Loser," someone coughed out.

Winnie continued walking but stop once again in front of Mary and me. "Ava," she greeted out of formality.

"Don't do this, Wen. You don't want to do this," I said lowly underneath my breath, allowing only a few people to hear me.

She smirks, and I look past her sunglasses. Underneath all the makeup, her mask, it was cracking. "That makes me want to do it much more." She clicked her tongue before brushing past my shoulder.

"What happened to her?" Mary mumbled.

This is the start of Winnie's abuse. And as I stood there, I pondered on how I can help her. Ben came into peripheral. Maybe, I can help both of them.

Even if I am doing it out of pure selfish guilt, isn't it okay? To make yourself feel better through aiding someone else? Is any good deed truly unselfish?

No, there is no such thing as an unselfish good deed.

My hair swayed to the side, seeing Seth laughing by the drinking fountain. One of his friends threw their arm over his shoulder, and his voice only rang louder down the hall.

I noticed how he look at me, and the laughter died down. Everyone was still talking as he stood there, eyes observing my every movement. I watch as he moves a hand upward and ran it across his neck, silently telling me he will get his payback.

I didn't understand why I did it, but I did. As I passed him, I lifted a middle in the air, very discretely, and stuck my tongue out at him. "Bring it on," I mouthed.

Seth stood there, with wide eyes and gaping mouth, seemingly stunned at my comeback. Steadily, a smirk crossed his pale lip before he returns to his group of friends.

I don't know many things, but I do know one thing for sure. I prefer this future over my past one, even if this one is annoyingly unpredictable.

Then, again, why am I worried about the future?

This is my second chance, a blessing from Heaven to be able to live again. One which I will not take for granted. One where I can put myself first.

One where I can learn how to love myself before others.

I am Ava Makee.

"I thought about the question you gave me a while back. The reason why I choose to love Luke," I said.

Dr.Cordova placed his pen down, "Oh?"

"At first, it was a crush. Similar to every other girl. I grew up with the real-life fairytale of love through my parents. I desire that affection. That is normal."

He nodded, "Yes, it is."

"But, as time passed, I changed myself to become someone of desire. Someone Luke will desire, and in the process, I buried who I am. The reason why I continued latching onto Luke was because his love is unreachable. Perhaps, it was pride; the thought of losing to someone who is supposedly inferior was disgraced. But I realize, for me, it was much more than that. I recognized the fact was, my love for Luke reflects my love for myself. It was both unreachable. I just don't love what I became, and I used Luke to excuse my outcome. I realized that...in the end...I'm chasing someone who won't love me because I don't want them to love me. I was ashamed of who I became."