take a picture of all my flaws

11

Lauren

When she finally gets back to her lonely apartment just off campus, everything she's been avoiding seems to come crashing down on her like a ton of bricks. There's a note on the floor, and she recognises Camila's messy scrawl, but she doesn't bother to read it. She throws it in her recycling bin, and then flops down onto the couch. Tomorrow, she knows she'll have to face Camila.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. The day they usually meet for drinks before class, and then go for lunch. Their routine. It's the day she used to look forward to the most; even if everything else sucked, if everyone else stared at her like she's some three-headed monster, at least Camila didn't, because she didn't know. Or so she was dumb enough to believe.

She hates her life, hates that she can't trust anyone new. They could be some kind of crazy stalker, a threat to her wellbeing; being a public figure, you're forced to meet fans all the time, and she knows nothing about these people. One angry fan, and that could be the end of her. Bodyguards aren't superhuman, and all it would take is one angry person with a grudge and a weapon.

The novelty of fame wore off extremely fast; she doesn't care about celebrities, doesn't care about attending movie premieres or award shows, and the last thing she ever wanted was to have fans. Now, instead of thinking about some of the minimal perks, i.e. the occasional free lunch in exchange for a picture, all the idea of fame does is terrify her. She hates it; all she wanted was to act, to be able to turn her passion into a career, but when she'd done it, everything else sucked, and she hates that she had to leave the show to get away from it all.

The fans had taken her privacy, they'd taken her freedom, and now they've taken her passion.

She tries to push down that sense of dread, but nothing works, and she feels the panic rising. Trying her best to control her breathing, she calls Lucy, even though she doesn't deserve her friend's help right now. She'd rejected basically any idea Lucy had had, because most of them involved talking to Camila. Keana had told her to do what she felt was best, and Vero wasn't much help at all; she'd suggested sleeping with Camila to get her out of her system, which is probably the worst idea she's ever had. Lauren had also called Alexa from set, even though she felt bad bothering her, since she has her own problems to deal with on top of her schoolwork. But all her friends are telling her to talk to Camila, and Lauren doesn't think she can handle that.

When Lucy picks up, Lauren doesn't bother with hellos. Instead, she blurts out, "please talk to me," and Lucy obliges.

The older girl hums in thought. "Well, not much has changed in the five hours since you left, but I had a really nice sandwich, I could tell you about that..."

"Why do you think I should talk to Camila?" Lauren blurts out, hating herself for even asking. She doesn't want to, but she also doesn't feel any better than she did the moment after she realised she'd been lied to. The only time she had felt better was when they were reshooting the scenes, and she wasn't Lauren Jauregui anymore, she was Vanessa Ramirez. "Why should I- why should I talk to her?"

"Because it's obviously tearing you up, and she's giving you the opportunity," Lucy replies, "even if you don't want to forgive her, you can still hear her out and get some kind of closure. But honestly, Lo, I think you should forgive her. It's not like you're some innocent victim in all of this. You lied too."

"How can I lie about something she already knew?" Lauren pathetically defends herself. "That's like- that's like me not talking to my brother about the show. Chris still already knows, just because I'm not talking about it doesn't make it a lie."