King from another Era

part 28

**GOSHEN's POV**

I sobbed as I hugged my pillow tighter. I missed him. I missed my Banana so much it hurts.

"Can you forgive me?" Wala sa sariling usal ko. "I guess not. It's my fault after all" pumatak ang luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan at tuluyan na akong napaiyak.

I've changed so much. I'm not my self anymore. How can I hurt him like that. How did I end up hurting him because of my fucked up wrong decision? Yes, I'm arrogant and conceited. I'm smart but unfortunately I forgot to use my brain when I decided to be a surrogate mother. I don't know who I really am anymore. I lost my self in the process of seeking love and comfort. I got too full of my self.

I starred at the little bump on my stomach at agad din akong nag iwas nang tingin.

I want to abort this child that I'm carrying. I hate it. I hate it so much yet I can't bare to hurt it because somehow, I also like this unborn child.  This child was innocent unlike me. This child might suffer if I continue to let him grow.

I already lost everything that I have. My dad committed suicide after being frustrated and disappointed at me when the news about how slutty I am spread.

The build up tension and stressed to cover up the news that the media leaked taked a toll at his health. And in just a matter of time, My Own company suffered a huge lost.

While I'm being cornered by the media, My competitors choose that time to attack my company until I'm in a huge debt. My Name together with my company was ruined. I don't have anything more left at me aside from the masion that me and Banana lived and this baby.

"How am I gonna survive?" I whispered. I want to see him but I'm afraid.

"Goshen? What the hell are you doing! Bakit hindi ka pa kumakain?" Nag aalalang tanong ni Aaron. Why is he even here? I thought I told him for a hundred times already that I don't want to see him nor did I want to talk to him! "Why are you doing this to your self? You look pale. Come here. Papakainin na kita" lumapit sya sa akin pero nag iwas lang ako nang tingin.

"Fuck off"

"What?" Gulat na tanong nya.

"Back the fuck off! I don't need you here! I'm done Talking and explaining everything to you!" Sigaw ko at lumayo ako sa kanya at muli na naman akong napaiyak.

"Just forget him and everything will be fine Goshen. We can go back to the way we used to be" paliwanag nya at akmang lalapit ulit sya sa akin pero sinamaan ko sya nang tingin.

"Absolutely not! I refuse to be together with you! Stop this bullshit Aaron! I've done my part on our deal so why can't you do your part in our agreement? Please set me free as you said so!  Stop forcing your self to me because it's killing me deep inside! I hate it! I hate that I'm stupid enough to fall for your tricks!" I wiped my tears at muli ko na namang naalala si Shoddy. I made him cry and I know he's in pain right now. He's suffering more than I do.

"I'm still here for you. He left you already and I'm willing to wait until you moved on" mahinahong sabi nya at niyakap nya ako.

"Why can't you understand that I'm done loving you? I can barely hold on from this heartache, Aaron. Day and night I've been missing my husband. Every tears that I shed makes me realize how I lost him. Aaron, Please stop this already. You don't know how painful it is for me to wake up every morning knowing that my husband left me because of this child on my womb" tuloy tuloy ang pag patak nang luha ko at ramdam ko ang sakit at pag sisisi dahil sa kasalanan ko.

"I love you Goshen. I can't just leave you alone like you want me too" pagtanggi nya kaagad.

"I love him more than I've ever loved you, Aaron. Do you know how painful it is to live with regret? Do you even know how I've been hunted in my dreams by the memory of my husband leaving me while crying because of my stupidity? I don't have a heart to give to you Aaron because it's been broken a thousand times already. I've broke my own heart because I've tried to fix yours, Aaron--" hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil muli na namang nag salita si Aaron.

"I'll keep on loving you,Goshen!" Pamimilit pa nya kaya sinampal ko na sya.

"I've agreed to be a surrogate mother not because I love you but because I feel  guilty for leaving you like that rather! Aaron, I though you will be happy when I complied to your favor but I forgot to consider the feelings of my own husband!" Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at muli ko syang tinitigan. Napayuko naman si Aaron dahil sa sinabi ko.

"I'm the reason why Shoddy left me. Do you know how heart breaking it is for me? Remember that you told me na kapag nagkaroon ka nang anak sa akin you will be happy kahit yung baby lang ang makakasama mo and you will set me free? Here, Im already pregnant with your child para maging masaya ka kahit iniwan na kita dahil ayaw kitang masaktan dahil may pinagsamahan tayo. But I regret everything Aaron! Because of my foolishness I lost Shoddy! The person that I should dedicate my life too! And the person that I should make happy instead of you" mahinang usal ko at tumalikod na ako sa kanya.

It's too painful for me to have an argument with him because he looks exactly like Banana.

"You don't understand me at all" mahinang usal nya.

"Do you understand me too? I can't get Shoddy back to me again! It hurts so  much that I want to abort this baby!" Sigaw ko sa kanya.

"Leave me alone! I don't want to see you again. I'll give this baby to you when it's born" dagdag ko pa at hindi ko na sya pinansin. Tinitigan ko na lang ang mga gamit sa kwarto namin ni Banana. If only I could turn back the time I won't do the same thing again.