Believing In Fate - book 1

Chapter 26 - Catch Me If You Can

Asimina

My churning stomach has finally eased. I don't want to experience it again. Adding to my dismal state, my body feels so weak. I'm so tired physically and emotionally. Finishing the last touches to my new look, I stand in front of the mirror, assessing myself. I don't even recognize my own reflection.

I'm miserable being on my own. I miss my sisters and Petro, but mostly I miss Raffaele. Ironing out the creases on my top with my hands, I remain lost in thought. Being away from him is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The one question that keeps running through my mind is, if I'm successful in killing Alonzo and I go back, what will Raffaele do?

My heart shatters thinking about his words, "You're crippling me!" I don't think I can apologize enough to ever lift the guilt off my chest for hurting him. God knows I never wanted to hurt him. The constant internal battle I'm having continues to drain me. I'm shattered.

After everything with John, I guess I don't want to be a victim again. I can't be a victim again! I seal my eyes as my mind takes me back to my nightmare with John. "Why won't you fuck me, slut? Is your cousin's cock that good?"

Christ! Those words never fail to bring vomit into my mouth. I didn't sleep with John because I didn't feel the urge to give myself to that man. His words lit a fire in me, and the blaze had me seeing red. I slapped him. I couldn't stop my hand even if I wanted to. Such vile words made my skin crawl!

When the first punch hit the side of my face, my vision blurred. My head instantly pounded. The second blow forced the air out of my lungs, and before I could take a breath, three more hits quickly connected. The vivid image of him undressing me remains. His disgusting fingers slid between my legs and penetrated me. I was helpless and in pain. I couldn't fight; any movement shot pain through my body. The lack of a condom stopped him from going further.

I can't go through something like that again. I get to decide who has my body. Me and me, alone. No one can just take what they want from me. No one knows about the sexual assault. I can't bring myself to think about it, let alone talk about it. I feel dirty. I'm worried about what my family would think. What will they say? How will they look at me?

The thought of another sexual assault, rape even, crosses my mind, and a shiver runs through my body. I can't let that happen. Taking a deep breath, I wipe my tears and straighten up. "Push away your fear! You're strong!" I declare, giving myself my usual pep talk.

Raffaele is a smart man with connections everywhere. I don't believe he's given up the search. He may be questioning our relationship and regretting us, but for the sake of my cousin and sister, he will keep searching. I need to get those fakes tonight. I've spent too many days in Tucson, and Mexico City is a twenty-six-hour drive from here.

Making my way out of the hotel, I throw my bags into the truck and head down the street. The bar is a short walk away, and I'm desperate for fresh air. The gun in my handbag provides the courage I need. Pushing the door open, the eyes of the Satan Familia biker gang fall on me. I hate when men gawk. I get the urge to claw their eyes out. It's one thing for a man to look and notice you, and it's another when their eyes show nothing but salaciousness.

Ignoring them all, I pull up a stool at the bar. The space between these four walls is filled with cigarette smoke, making my eyes sting, while the stench of heavy, alcohol-laced breaths makes my nose wrinkle. Not one person here is sober, and the majority are men. However, there are women, half-naked, of course. They're sitting on laps and rubbing themselves against groins. Do they have no shame? I'm starting to think I've walked into a brothel.

"What can I get you, chica - girl?" the bartender asks, disrupting my thoughts. His eyes roam down to my chest.

"Eyes up here and get me a bourbon," I retort. My anger gets me in trouble often, but how can I control it when dealing with pigs?