Becoming Determinant - Tobias' Story

Divergent Chapter 24 - Al

A/N: The first part of this chapter needs a warning for showing the graphic aftermath of a suicide. If you're sensitive to that, please skip down to the line break.

"Divergent" Chapter 24 - Al

The pounding on my door interrupts my latest nightmare. The details disappear the moment my eyes open, and all I can remember is that Will was watching while Peter attacked Tris.

"Four!" a voice yells, and I yank some pants on before swinging the door open. Zeke is standing there, looking flushed and breathing heavily.

"Chasm," he gasps, clearly very out of breath. "Initiate." A surge of wild, uncontrolled panic rushes through me. What did they do to Tris?

But Zeke must see my expression, because he shakes his head quickly. "Not her," he pants. "Big guy. Suicide."

Suddenly, it becomes clear. "Al?" I ask, knowing it has to be him. The guilt over what he did must have gotten to him. Zeke nods and then falls into step beside me as I begin moving rapidly toward the Pit. There's nothing I can do for Al at this point, but I need to be there anyway.

I don't know how I feel about this. The Abnegation in me says I should forgive Al for his mistakes and pray for his soul now that he's dead. But the Dauntless in me snarls that he made his own choices, both when he betrayed his friend and tried to kill her, and when he took his own life – and that both actions were cowardly.

If he'd truly regretted how much he hurt Tris, he should have gone factionless. If he'd killed himself after that, no one here would even have found out about it. And then Tris wouldn't have been left with the guilt she'll undoubtedly feel now – as if Al's decisions were somehow her fault.

Zeke stops when we reach a branch in the hallway. "I have…to get back…to the control room," he pants, still out of breath. "I already…alerted Security…and I'm sure…they told the leaders…so you don't need…to notify anyone." His expression is somber as he adds, "But I thought…you should hear it from me."

It takes a moment for his words to click. And then I understand.

"Did you see it happen?" I ask, knowing that if he was on duty, he must have.

His pained expression answers me. "I couldn't…get there…in time," he says, and I can see the shock still present in his eyes. He doesn't know how to deal with this any more than I do.

I almost never touch anyone voluntarily, except for Tris, but I clasp Zeke's shoulder now. "You couldn't have stopped him," I say in the closest I get to a gentle tone.

Zeke nods, but he's looking down, and I know he'll never fully believe that statement.

I give his shoulder a squeeze. "Thanks for getting me." He nods again before heading down the other branch of the hallway, and I continue toward the Pit. I don't want to face this, but I move forward anyway.

Two Dauntless security officers are standing at the railing, looking down into the chasm.

"Gonna be a bear to lug him up," one of them says, her voice sounding more annoyed than anything else. "We'll have to get help."

"Flip you for who has to tie the ropes around him," the other says, giving a laugh that sounds grossly out of place right now.

"I'll do that," I say in disgust as I brush past them, not even bothering to look down before making my way along the familiar path to the bottom of the chasm. There's no point in looking – I know what awaits me.

Al's body lies across the jagged rocks, soaked by the spray of water that's foaming up around him. The foam itself is a sick pink color from his blood, and the water downstream of him is red. For a moment, the sight turns my stomach, but I force the nausea down.