Good Omens Oneshots

Why did the chicken cross the road? [Crowley X Reader]

"Why is the t-rex running towards the cacti?"

"Sorry, what?" Crowley looked over at you while you were tapping the space bar on your laptop.

"Like, were there cacti back then?"

"Back when?"

"When there were dinosaurs. Were there cacti when the dinosaurs around?"

"Oh, yeah, they never existed."

You slammed the lid to your laptop down and looked at Crowley with horror. Your face had gotten paler.

"What's the matter, Love?"

"Dinosaursneverexisted!?" you screamed at him. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Didn't seem that important."

"It is important! You know how much I love dinosaurs. Wait, then where the hell did birds come from?"

"I think Michael helped create those."

"Right, of course," you said dejectedly. "Then what's the point of science? Why are we even studying it?"

"Well, I think there's a joke somewhere that you haven't seen yet. Not too funny if you ask me."

"A joke? Science is all just for a joke?"

"Nghh, I wouldn't say it's all just for a joke," Crowley said while making those noises he did whenever he was trying to get his thoughts in order. He stood up from his throne and made his way over to you. He plopped himself down and casually threw his arm around your shoulders. "If you think 'bout it, you humans study science to try and make sense of why the world is the way it is. You also go all about making things. Like cars. Bloody great things cars are."

"Is the joke, 'why did the chicken cross the road?'" you asked him, having seemingly ignored everything Crowley just said.

Crowley looked down at you, his piercing yellow eyes, not hidden by his glasses, shined with amusement. He shook his head no but was thinking that if that were the joke, it'd be funnier than whatever God had intended. He gave a small peck on the side of your head while you kept on trying to think of what could possibly be the joke of dinosaurs not actually existing.