(13 reasons why) Malec AU High school!

Chapter 3: Jace Herondale (Part 2)

(self-harming is included in this chapter)

Alec's P. O. V

why did you have to do this to me? You only made things worse... How could I have put all my trust in you and just watch you betray me so viciously in only a few seconds? I thought you were my brother, my best friend... But I made a mistake...

7 years ago. Age 13.Date-16th July.

I was pacing my room back and forth, breathing heavily, my younger sister, Isabelle, sitting on my bed, trying to convince me it would be okay. "its going to be okay Alec, just tell him, it wotn be that bad" she said comfortingly. "Tell Jace?! How am I going to do it!? Just walk up to him and say "oh hey Jace, I know your straight and I don't have any chance at all, but I have had a crush on you since the first time I laid eyes on you. Your an angel in my eyes and I've fallen in love with you. I'm ready for rejection" I glared at my younger sister as I kept passing the room back and force, panicking.

Your probably wondering what the hell is happening right now. Basically, I was thinking about telling Jace I had feelings for him, but it didn't go that much to plan as I'm a complete wimp who dosnt have any comfidence at all and is basically a piece of shit who she probwvly die and never come back. My sister Izzy was sitting on my bed trying to say it was fine and that Jace would except me for that I'm gay and that the love feelings for him wouldn't change our relationship. Brother to brother. Yeah, that shit that my bitch sister was saying never came true.

"just go for it Alec! It won't be that bad" Izzy spoke trufully. I only ignored her and walked to Jace's room, silently praying to Raziel that I would be okay.

I gently knocked on Jace's door, hoping he wouldn't be in his room, but unfortunately... You can already guess, he was in his room.

"Hey Alec, what's up?" you smield at me happily. I only looked down at my feet, already feeling my cheeks heating up with pink blush.

"Alec? I know somethings wrong. You can tell me anything" you smiles at me warmly, placing a hand on my shoudler comfortingly.

"we need to talk" i was just able to say. Jace opened his door, welcoming me I nto sit on his bed, him standing infrotn of me while I looked up in your eyes.

"what do you need to tell me?" you asked comfortingly, as you smield gently.

I started explaining the while story of how I had a crush on him. When I first layed eyes on him, how I thought he as beautiful and liek an angel, how I loved him, and how I knew I didn't have a chance with him but I still wanted to try. You always have to give a chance right? That was until I saw his reaction...

And with that, I was stupid because, how could I fall for you Jace, Izzy made me realize that it was only a teenage crush. There was only one person I fell in love with, and that person I will always love, even if he hates my guts, I will always feel pain when I see him, I will still always love him because the feelings I have for him, will never go away. Even if I tried, those feelings still wouldn't budge. I jsut hope that he is going okay. That person made me realise that giving a chance is worth it. That making a difference can all end well. Things happen for a reason he told me and I'm grateful that he did, because now I'm listening to his voice say it too me everyday, remembering that I can still do it. That I can still can live a life that I love. And I want to thank him with all my heart and my love for him.

"ew! What the actual fuck Alec!? We are brothers! Oh my fucking god, just ew! That so fucking descusting! Don't you understand how gross that is?! Don't you understand that is it actually illegal that two people in a family can have a romantic relationship?! Alec, you know I'm straight! Oh my fucking god! Your gay! Dotn you get how descusting that is!? Just ewwww! Get the fu k out you slut!" he screamed at me.

I ran out immediantly with tears running down my face, hearing his voice echoing after me "SLUT" me just crying further.

How could I have put so much fucking trust in your and see you betray me so badly? I don't even understand what the fuck is wrong with loving someone who is the same gender as you, Jace. I really thought that we could be friends for life, but like I said before, I was so bitterly wrong. And that's shit. Have you ever heard the saying "love is blind in the gender's eye"? If you were smart than you would have heard the saying. I never really thought of you as a Homophobic person Jace, but you really did show me you were by getting me back into my depression. You were one of the people anyway.

I didn't know what too do. I only ran into my room as fast as I could and locked the door behind me, running into my bathroom and closing the door behind me, sobbing hard. I held my knees close to my chest, not knowing what to do. Until I thought of it....

I thought about blades, knifes, anything that could harm to yourself and make you bleed. I remembered that I had sharp things in my draw. I slowly crawled to my draw under the sink, fresh tears falling down my cheeks, as the old ones were dry on my white as paper cheeks. I held my tiny razor blade in my hand I had got out my sharpener. Don't ask.

I looked at my hand then back at the blade. I repeated my gaze, at my hand then back at the blade. I just chose a disition I shouldn't have done...

I slowly started pressing the blade against my skin and gliding it over my skin, wincing in pain, but also enjoying it at the same time.

I removed the blade and saw the blood start to drip down my hand and onto the floor.

I started to clean myself up with the first aid kit in my draw and wiped the deadly rode red liquid on the floor. I placed a plaster on my wound and but on my black hoodie, going back into my room and crawling in my bed. I finally knew what the fel of rejection felt like....

"And that people is how I got into self-harming. Stupid right, yeah I know. And that is why I now hate Jace Herondale-Wayland. Also everyone else on my list apart from one... I think you know I'm talking about. This is to the person who I still trust. Thankyou... For keeping me on this devious and tretorious world. Without you.... I would have been in a much worser place..." he spoke with sadness." well, let's move onto the next tape. This is how I started to hate my younger sister Isabelle Sophia Lightwood. Let me begin...

Yay! I finally finished this chapter. Look, I'm really really sorry that I havnt posted lately, but my homework is taking all my fucking time up it sucks. Butttt...guess what? This is my last week at school! ONLY 4 MORE DAYS AT SCHOOL LEFT TO GO UNTIL IT'S SUMMER HOLIDAYS!!! YAYYYY!!! this means I get to post wayyyyy more regularly and I'm so happy for that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I have a little idea for Izzy coming up😏😂btw, my other fanfic, LOVE AND SADDNESS, I jsut want to say I'm not giving up on that fanfic, I really really really wanna continue, also recommend my fanfic for you. Cnat wait to give you all my next chapter. Byeeeeeee❤️❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕💖💖💖💖😘😘😘😘🥰🥰 😍😍😍

BTW, I'M ALSO ADDING MAGNUS'S POV IN SOON!!! EEEEKKKKKK, CANT WAIT!!!