(13 reasons why) Malec AU High school!

Chapter 10: Ragnor Fell(Part 1)

(self harm is spoken in this chapter and also overdoes of tablets in included) (btw, if you would like to know why I chose the over dose of tablets, pls leave a comment down below and I'll tell u💖) (I will be switching to Mags and Alec's POV multiple of times in this chapter😘💖)

The day that Magnus introduced me to you, Ragnor, I was abit protective at the start, as you know, me with friends didn't exactly work out because Magnus is the only one I purely trust with heart and soul. But once we started getting to know each other, we became the best of friends, you were the nicest person that I had ever met, apart from Magnus though... Anyway, after what happened to me, I have to thankyou Ragnor with my actual life. How you took me after what happened, you welcomed me as if it were my home. You don't know how it meant to be to have someone like that in life to me, and I am forever grateful Ragnor, for helping me get through that situation. I have to owe you bsck somehow though, we could start with a drink for you...

1 year ago. Age 17. 27th September.

                   September 27th 
                  Date Of Death

I wrote shakily on my Calender, taking deep breathes...

'how am I going to tell Magnus? How is he going to take it? God, i can't tell me that I'm going to die tonight' thoughts downed into my mind, as every few seconds, another thought spashled into my stupid mind, until I got it...

A letter...

I ran over to my desk draw and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, 'but what should I write?'

"I'll start with this..." I mumbled to myself, as I placed the black pen on the paper, as I saw the coal black ink rush out the pen, as I started writing. Here I go...

Dear Magnus Bane,

As you know, I'm not exactly that good at this, but here I go...

Since the first day I met you, I knew you were different. You could make me happy in a split second when I was in a mad mood, you could make me laugh when I was crying of Saddness, make me watch Twilight with you, which is a actually kinda okay after you dragged me into watching it. Listen Magnus, after everything I've been through, I can't handle this world anymore, I can't handle the hate anymore, the stares, the discust, the judgement, all of it. It just aimed right out at me right at the start of high school and has never changed. Everyone went after me, and after it all, it lead to me getting into depression and self harm, and through out time, it has got way worse, how I always have to carry a blade with me and cut myself everyday to make the pain to go away, to watch the Red liquid gush out my body, as it makes me smile. To know that the pain has gone inside, but to know that everyday, my life is at risk. So that is why I wanted to tell you that I am going to be doing suicide tonight. It is the only option left for me Maggie and if I don't do it then I will forever live in agony. I know that this isn't the best way to tell you about this, but it was the only option, I couldn't watch you and see the tears running down your cheeks because of me. And texting would've been the worst tbh. But if I'm going to die tonight, I want to tell you my feelings. The day when I first layed eyes on you, I instantly knew I was fucked. I fell in love with you, as you stole my heart. As everyday passed, my feelings for you became stronger until the day I knew I couldnt live without you. I csnt live with out you Mags, and when I see you crying because of my choices in live, it breaks me. It truly breaks me until I can feel my heart aching, the guilt I feel everytime I see you, it pains me to know that you sometimes cry at night, begging for things to get better for me. After everyone rejecting me, and how Isabelle pretrayed me yesterday, I thought I could really trust her, but I was wrong. The only person that stayed by my side the whole time was you, Magnus, but why? We swore each other that you would protect me, and I would comfort you, but why did you stay by my side for all these years? You know... with the feelings I have for you, I never thought that you could return them because look at me, I'm a worthless, loner, stupid, ugly, gay, slut, faggot piece of shit, but you think otherwise. Every single day, you wisper in my ear that I'm beautiful and that I deserve the life I'm meant to live, and through that, I feel the shivers running down my spine, as the tears start to well up in my eyes, but not in a bad way, but in a truly amazing happy way. To know how much you care about me to say that to me every day, it makes me feel like I belong somewhere. And that somewhere is right by your side.