I am ME [ftm transgender boyxboy]

[17] Hollow Hearts Unite

Oh my god.

I was right.

My heart dropped into my stomach and I cringed.

Lonnie was crying.

Lonnie.

Strong, happy-go-lucky Lonnie was sat in the bathroom in the wee hours, crying to himself in the shower.

I didn't even think, just opened the bathroom door and shut it behind me.

My first instinct was to shiver; as it was cold as Jack Frost's ballsack in here. The shower wasn't even warm, so the room's temperature had dropped significantly.

My second instinct was to cry. Which I've been doing too much of lately anyways, so I resisted.

Lonnie was curled up fully clothed in the tub of the shower in the fetal position. He was white as a sheet and shivering, his hair slicked wetly around his face. He didn't seem to care, however, that his clothes were soaked with icy water and his lips were blue. He just stared vaguely off into the distance as tears poured steadily down his cheeks, mingling with the water that sprayed down on top of him.

I set my phone down on the sink, stepping into the shower and sitting next to the boy I loved. That seemed to knock him out of his daze and he started up at me in shock.

I just smiled at him as the icy water soaked me, and reached out my hand to grip his. My fingers traced over his icy knuckles and I started speaking as if we weren't sitting fully clothed in a cold shower during un-godly hours.

"Do you remember that first time we really kissed, babe?" I asked with a small smile.

He just nodded. I think if he spoke he would have bitten off his tongue anyway. His jaw was shivering like a bitch.

"And how we got really hella gay and sang that one song to each other?" I questioned with a chuckle.

He rolled his big brown eyes and sniffled, blinking rapidly in an attempt to focus on my face despite the incessant spray of water hitting his face.

"And how you were sobbing and so was I, and we fell asleep right there on the floor, in each other's arms?" I said softly, blushing despite the freezing water.

He chuckled wetly, and I tugged him closer to me, so that his head was in my lap and my back was to the showerhead, blocking the water from his face.

"Every single word I said that night was true," I said with a smile, tracing patterns on Lonnie's cheeks as he stared up into my eyes, "except now I know that I'm sure about you. You've seen me at my weakest, you held me up when I didn't even know I was falling. So let me do the same with you. Don't hide your hurt from me baby Blue," I kissed the tip of his nose, and he snorted at the stupid nickname I gave him, "Coz I'll never leave you alone. You're stuck with me, you adorable cunt muffin."

He smiled crookedly up at me, and even upside-down he was utterly perfect.

"Now come on and get out; I don't want you getting hypothermia and dying on me. I'm so not into necrophilia."

And with that we lifted ourselves from the shower floor, and shut it off before exiting. Well, I exited and Lonnie stumbled like a baby deer. Probably from the lack of blood flow. Adorable dumbass.

I forced him to sit on top of the closed toilet so I could fuss over him like-well like a concerned boyfriend.

I toweled him dry, warmed him up, and fetched him new clothes to change into before fixing myself up.

I made sure we both changed separately because well...the obvious.

"So," I wiggled my eyebrows at Lonnie, both of us in warm dry pajamas, obviously cuddling on his bed, "we could listen to the whole Nightmare Revisited album on loop until we fall asleep, OR, we could watch the actual movie and make out the entire time."

Lonnie unsuccessfully tried containing his bark of laughter with his sweatshirt sleeve, and I rolled my eyes lovingly at him.

I pushed him from our cuddling position onto his back, where I straddled his hips and leaned down to smirk in his shocked face. I pinned his hands above his head with my own, and tilted my head to nip his lips softly.

"You think I'm kidding..?" I murmured against his mouth before deepening the kiss and brushing his tongue with my own. My lips felt hot and swollen as I kissed his plump mouth with enough passion to kill death. My entire body tingled and I gripped his hands in my own as I pulled away, dazed and sure my cheeks were bright crimson.

"Definitely the movie," he breathed, his lips as red as my cheeks.

I smirked, dipping my head to nip his nose playfully.

"Thought so," I responded smugly, climbing off of him and pulling him into my arms.

Sure the boy was tall, but I could still cuddle him against my chest like nobody's business. He wasn't big at all, just a bit of a beanpole.

We set up the movie on the T.V Jesse had brought from my room at my mom's house, and when the beginning music played Lonnie and I both squealed like tween girls at a 1D concert.

We both could quote The Nightmare Before Christmas by heart, and both of our first loves had been dear old Jack, the Hottie Of The Pumpkin Patch. Yeah, Lonnie gave him that name and almost made me snort my hot chocolate out of my nose.

We sang This Is Halloween together, gesturing melodramatically and falling all over each other as we did so. When Jack came on screen Lonnie faked a sexual moaning noise that had me slapping his stomach as I curled up against his side.

"Oh my goshness the first time I saw this part, I like, sobbed legit," Lonnie said emphatically, his eyes trained on the screen. It was the part where Sally sang about loving Jack, and her despair with the future.

His eyes shifted from the T.V to land on my face, and the atmosphere suddenly changed. Sally's Song played lamentingly in the background as I gazed into the face of the most perfect being in existence.

"Now I have a new reason to cry because of it," he murmured, glancing at my lips.

"Why?" I breathed, and he glanced back up to my eyes.

"Because it reminds me of how I felt before we were together," he admitted with a blush, "I listened to this every day thinking of you."

I smiled softly and tilted my head to kiss his soft lips gently, as his hand moved to cradle the back of my neck.

"And does he notice, my feelings for him?" he crooned against my lips, "And will he see, how much he means to me? I think it's not to be..."

I wrapped my arms around his torso and laid my head in the crook of his shoulder as he sang to me. His voice was angelic; it made my chest swell and my mind fuzzy.

The rest of the early morning was spent finishing the movie and talking about useless things. But around three o'clock, Lonnie nodded off and I was left with my own thoughts.

It was Saturday morning, in one of the first weeks of April. That meant spring break was over in two days. School started on Monday of the next week, and on Monday, I was screwed.

Lonnie would know the truth about me. My relationship would most likely end in two days.

So until then, I would make my time with him count. I would show him just how much I loved him. I may not have told him yet, but judging by the way my stomach did flips every time I saw him, I was head over heels.

I wondered if I should just tell him I loved him now, but thought against it. If I was going to get my heart broken in two days, I could keep that information to myself.

But for now I wasn't going to worry.

I was going to cuddle against this boy and hold him as tight as I could. I was going to wake up later and make pancakes with him, but use most of the batter to have a food fight. I was going to take him to the park and blast Chasing Cars while we kissed on the swings. I was going to do everything I could with him, before it was too late and he was gone.

Because I loved Lonnie Blue.

And that would never change.