Next Door // Colby Brock BOOK TWO

Chapter 12

Hayden

It's been a week since I last saw and talked to Colby and I feel horrible. All I ready wanted was to talk to him, but I know I have to get my head straight before I do. Which makes this even harder since he kinda helped me with that without realizing it himself.

I feel alone all day even though I might be with my friends, I'm still sad. Depressed might be the right word for it, but I'm not ready to face the fact that I'm depressed. I really thought I was on the right path in life, but now everything is a mess.

It's like I'm sitting in a car that is rolling down a hill, without breaks, and I'm just sitting there. Waiting for the car to finally crash in the big stone wall at the bottom of the hill. I guess you can call that depression.

How can I get myself to be with someone if I hardly can be with me, my own life, face, body... I need to know I can trust him and I also need to get myself together. I really want to do both at once, but that is probably going to make the mess inside my head worse.

I have to do what I can to work on myself for a while, before I can think about being with someone else. That would just make things worse at this moment.

That night I went out, i was going to have fun, not thinking about Colby nor the baby. But now, I'm still sad as fuck and it feels like the whole planet is against me. No scratch that, the universe is.

A loud huff came out of my mouth as I stood up from my bed. I've been living in my bed for the past few days and I know it won't make it better. But my energy level is empty and I feel kinda numb.

All week my head have been around, brining up episodes of my life I didn't like thinking about, things I thought I had forgot... just everything bad that have happened in my life up until this point. It makes me sad that my mind makes depressed.

I used to the fun girl that dragged her friends around, making them do weird and random stuff for fun. I had a great life, but someone in between that, fucked in things also. But I really was living my life the best I could, and now? I'm in my bed and sleeping with a pillow because it feels like something is missing.

Or two things... Colby and the baby.

I would love to hold her in my arms and be the best mothers I could ever be, but now that's not even an option. As my thoughts were wandering further away, a few tears started to run down my face. Quickly I shook my head and sat down on the bed again. Not in the mood to get up.

I curled up in my blanket and just stared blankly at the wall beside me. Which was become a thing that I do, everyday. Depression sucks and I don't want it.

A soft knock on my door made me drop my thoughts and I mumbled something about them could come inside. "Hayden, are you alright?" Amanda asked from behind me. I was still cuddled up with my blanket, not caring to move.

"Fine." Was all I had to say, but my heart and soul was crying and screaming on the inside.

"Get up from bed, please?" She pleaded, but I knew I looked like a rotten tomato that had been crying. "I really don't like it when this happens to you, so much brought someone over." Amanda said and walked out and closed the door.

I let out a breath of relief as I head the door close. I rolled over so I was on my stomach, it felt weird since there was no baby there anymore. I guess I kinda really realized now that I won't ever get to see her again.

"Hayden?" A familiar voice spoke from behind me making me squeal and I quickly sat up in my bed with wide eyes. I didn't know there was another person in my room.

When our eyes met, mine filled with pain and his with worry. "What are you doing here Colby?" I asked him, not sure why he even wanted to come over. We haven't talked in a week.

"Amanda told me that you're not doing well, so I wanted to check on you." He gave me a sweet smile, but mine remained monotone, as I said earlier, I feel numb.

"Well I'm fine." I told him, Colby looked at me in a way I couldn't read and I got a bit uncomfortable by that.

"Don't lie to me, Amanda told me everything.i don't understand why you didn't come to me instead." Colby said softly as he sat down on my bed. The same bed we stayed in all day. More emotions scrambled into my head and I just nodded.

"I know that, but after what I said and you said, I didn't feel welcome anymore." I told him truthfully. It really felt like he left me that might and that really hurt. I guess that's what triggered what is going on now.

Colby sat closer to me and i just watched him doing so. "You're always welcome, Hayden. Stop being so hard on yourself." He said and leaned on a few on my many pillows.

"Like that's easy." I mumbled and looked up at him. "Everything is a mess inside my head and I don't know what to do. I'm sad and depressed as fuck, and then there's you." I shook my head in defeat. When you hold something for yourself for a long time, it's hard to share it, even if it's the person you trust the most in this world.

"Let's talk about it then, maybe that can help you." Colby said and took my hand. I looked down at our hands and squeezed his and nodded.

"We can do that." I sheepishly said and kept looking at our hands. Maybe talking to someone would make this better.