hues (chaelisa)

Chapter Thirteen: In where Lisa has regrets

Lisa

It's been a couple days since I've been discharged from the hospital. Getting out of the hospital and making it to my dorm hadn't been an easy task, as there was an entire mob of reporters shoving cameras and microphones in my face, asking passively offensive questions to try and get me to react. I had held down my emotions and kept a stoic face the way I see so many other idols do when they're involved in a scandal and have to make a public appearance. Thankfully, the campus had decent security that kept the reporters out.

When I heard that Chaeyoung was going to do a live interview regarding the recent events, I had promptly tuned in, making sure that all my other electronic devices were turned off so that the internet connection wouldn't lag as much. It hadn't been even ten minutes into the interview when disaster struck.

Throughout the past week, I've come to the conclusion that Chaeyoung would eventually find out that I had been lying to her. And I told myself that I would tell her when I was I ready (whenever that was). But I was mostly scared of somebody else finding out my lies and telling her before I could. And that's exactly what happened. The way she had screamed on camera, the way she had seem so mentally tormented, and the way that it was because of me. I did this. I ruined her career. I ruined everything.

I needed to say something to her. Even if Chaeyoung is going to hate me forever after this, I need to let her know how sorry I am for what I've done. As much as I'm terrified of the idea of laying out all my emotions and feelings in front of her. I couldn't live with myself if she didn't know how I truly felt.

I try calling her, but after a few failed attempts I give up and decide to text her instead.

me
i'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. hurting you was never my intention. i was just so scared of how we'll end up turning out. so lying and saying that i didn't remember us was a stupid way of holding back our problems. i told myself that i was going to tell you. i told myself that i was going to tell you the truth and we were going to talk once i was ready. but the truth is that i don't think i'm ever going to be ready, so i'm just gonna say everything that i have to say to you in this text. i love you, chaeyoung. i've never stopped loving you and as selfish as it sounds, i hope that you still love me and that there's still a possibility that we can end up together. a while ago, i messaged jennie and i asked her if it was stupid of me to try and talk to you again. she told me that you still had feelings for me and i understand if they've changed, cause after the lies i know i'm a horrible person. but then you said that i was using you for your fame and i got so upset and mad in that moment that for a second i forgot just how much i loved you. but i really love you for you, and your fame has nothing to do with it, i swear. and when you came to visit me at the hospital, you were only telling me about the times we were just friends and i knew that you were hiding something else about us from me. and i got really mad at you again. but i know that you're probably even angrier at me for what i did, and i'm really sorry. and i understand if you don't talk to me ever again or if you take a while. as long as you're happy and well again, it's okay.