Undercover | H.S.

23.

Ellie

A sense of sadness enveloped me as I watched Harry walk offstage and towards me. The last five years of his life all culminating in that final performance. It felt weird for me to be here, amidst all the people who'd been apart of so much of his success. I felt like I was intruding.

He tries to make his way to me, but is stopped constantly by others offering their congratulations to he and the rest of the boys on their careers as 1D. He politely speaks to all who approach him and as always, I am captivated by the way he interacts with everyone. I know this may take a while but I don't mind the wait, each moment prolonging a talk that I know is both inevitable and uncomfortable.

He makes his way closer and speaks to one last well wisher before grabbing my hand and leading me down the hall. He pulls me in to an empty room and we plop down on the couch. He turns on the tv where the countdown clock alerts us that there are only 5 minutes left until midnight.

"I'm really glad you came, El," he says quietly. I look over and find he's turned to face me. Our faces are only inches apart. I swallow the lump in my throat and try to ignore the way my heart races as he uses his favorite nickname for me.

"No problem" I reply, avoiding the real reason I'd come.

"It's all over now, El. I have no set obligations for the next year. We could do this. We could really give it a try. We could see what happens."

"What would that look like Harry? You gonna get an apartment in NY? Wait around for me to finish classes everyday then help me study? You're 21 and free for the first time in 5 years Harry. There's so much this world can offer you that I can't."

He reaches out and presses his hand to my cheek forcing me to meet his gaze.

"What if I don't want the world, what if I already have it?"

I close my eyes and submit this to my memory, knowing that what I have to tell him will ruin this forever.

"Harry, I won't let you give up this freedom and opportunity to find yourself, for me. I can't. It's not just because I don't want you to miss out though, there's something I have to tell you..."

I trail off as I hear the start of the final countdown behind me.

"10...9....8...7..."

I look over to find Harry's eyes aren't transfixed on the screen, like mine were, but instead are looking back at me.

"3...2...1"

As the countdown ends, Harry crashes his lips to mine and I have no control, it's all stripped away by the fire in this kiss. His tongue flicks across my lips begging for entrance and I let him in deepening the kiss. His hand comes up to cup my face and I am lost in the taste and experience of him. He gently pushes me back so that I'm laid on the couch and he hovers over me, all of his weight on his free hand. The hand cupping my face slides down my body from my cheeks, to my neck, to my chest, finally resting at my waist. He presses his body against me as the crowd on the screen goes wild celebrating the new year, the fresh start. Suddenly I'm reminded of why I came here. This is supposed to be a fresh start for me. An ending, not a beginning.

I force myself to pull away from him and I try not to let my thoughts fixate on the hurt in his eyes as I do.

"Harry, I told you I came here to tell you something and I did." I pause. "Harry we can't make this work because I-I've met someone."

With one sentence I see all of Harry's walls come up. All of the time I'd spent breaking them down erased by the pain I've inflicted with my words.

"Surely you're joking," he finally mutters.

I look away and shake my head.

"It's someone at school he's just been there-"

"Stop." He interrupts. "I don't want to hear about how great he is and how shit I am. But why come here if you've moved on?"

"I thought I owed it to you to tell you to your face."

"Yeah, well it would have been shit no matter how you did it." He's silent for a moment before adding, "You kissed me back though, El. You can't tell me you don't still have feelings for me." He says it in a pleading voice that nearly breaks my heart.

"I'm not saying I don't, Harry. Our timing is just off and right now I have someone who can be there for me in ways you can't."

"But I don't understand...I can be there for you now, El."

"Harry, you trying to give me what I need right now would cost you all the things you are getting being free from 1D. I won't take your freedom from you before you've even gained it. Maybe somewhere in the future we'll finally have our time, but right now isn't it."

"I'll wait for you, El."

"I can't ask that of you. I won't ask that of you."

"I don't want to never see you again, El"

I close my eyes trying to think straight and not fall into him like I want to so badly.

"Let's make a deal, in one year we'll meet at our spot on New Year's eve. We'll reevaluate everything and decide where to go from there. Maybe everything will be different, maybe it will all be the same but if we're meant to, I'll meet you there. If one of us doesn't show up...we'll know it's really over."

He rubs at his eyes and I realize he's crying. My heart is in so much pain but my brain knows this is best for him and me. If it's meant to be it will be. Maybe everything will work out or maybe our love was never meant to be in the open, always meant to stay undercover.

Authors Note:

Hey everyone, this is the end of Undercover but there will be an epilogue! I'm thinking of writing a sequel but that's all based on interest! Please make sure to check out my new Calum Hood fanfic "Unexpected!"