Undercover | H.S.

22.

HARRY

Merry Christmas Harry xx

I forced my eyes shut and then reopened them, the message was still there. It had been months since we'd spoken. Not from a lack of trying on my part, she still consumed my thoughts.

I had ended the fake relationship with Jada the day after she'd walked out. When management and the boys tried to fight me on it I told them that it was hurting myself and the person I cared about and if they had a problem with it, they would have to do the rest of the appearances without me. That seemed to take care of that. I'd muddled through all of my obligations. I knew I should be soaking this up, enjoying what was left of this time with my brothers, but I couldn't bring myself to enjoy being here. My heart was somewhere else. Interviewers and industry friends alike had noticed my shift in demeanor. They commented on it but in a way that beat around the bush and I gave no direct answers. No one knew about us. To everyone else she was the girl in a few photos but to me she'd been more from the moment I'd met her. The press speculated that my somber mood was caused by the band split and I just let them believe it.

I pull myself out of my head and back to the screen in my hands. There's so much I want to say but I can't fit my feelings into a simple message. I sigh defeated before typing back a simple reply.

Merry Christmas to you too, El. I hope all is well. -H xx

I don't have time to wonder if she'll respond, if she'll even read it, before I'm pulled off into another string of endless interviews.

•

It's nearly midnight by the time we arrive at the hotel we're staying at tonight. The parking is underground meaning we avoid fans and for that I'm incredibly grateful. I love and appreciate them but I just am not in the mood to put on a fake smile right now. I'm not okay and it's not alright. I barely make it to the bed before exhaustion takes over.

When I reopen my eyes the alarm clock on the nightstand says it's 10:48 in the morning. I rub the crust from my eyes and feel for my phone. As I come further into consciousness I realize I'm still in my clothes from yesterday and I've forgotten to charge my phone. A click on the home button reveals that it's dead. I huff in annoyance before attaching the device to the charger and fumble through my luggage for clean clothes. I start the shower and hop in. The warm water rushes over my body and I feel some of the tension in my body release. It helps a little, but nothing relaxes me like when I'm with her. With my hair and body washed I cut the water and towel off before throwing on the black skinny jeans and white T-shirt I had picked out. With my clothing sorted I step back into the room. My phone is lit up having charged enough to cut on. I flop on the bed and lay on my side to scroll through my notifications a lump forms in my throat as her name fills my screen.

Everything is good. I hope it is for you as well. Listen Harry, I'll be in LA for New year's. A friend's idea to go to the countdown party...I know you guys are performing for the last time. I wasn't sure it'd be okay for me to be there.

She'd then sent a separate text an hour after I hadn't replied to her first message.

Not that I expect you to still care or anything just...I know it's gonna be a hard night for you all, I don't want to make it worse.

Hah. If only she knew what her absence had been doing to me. I think for a moment before sending my reply.

I want you there.