Undercover | H.S.

17.

HARRY'S POV

I'm an idiot.

That's all I can think as I look at my phone as it buzzes with her name and picture filling the small screen. Just answer the bloody phone Harry I think, but my body is unresponsive to my will.

I'd meant every word of what I'd told her on the boat and every time before that. Once we got out on the road however, it had become apparent just how fragile the band was at this moment and management was up our asses constantly. I'd been moody the first few days I admit, I was missing her and taking it out on everyone else which had only increased the tension between everyone causing us to snap at each other. Anytime you're around the same people for prolonged amounts of time, even if you're best mates, you start to drive each other mad. The press had started to take notice and the tabloids had went from revolving around my love life, to the rumors that we were on the outs with one another. They weren't entirely wrong.

The first few weeks I'd only avoided her because I was scared that were anyone to catch wind of everything going on with El and I  it could be the straw that broke the camels back for One Direction and everything we had all worked so hard for would dissipate. If we were going to end it all, it needed to be on terms all four of us agreed to.

It had killed me not to respond when she told me she missed me. But even by that point the press was already starting to suspect our disfunction and I refused to put her in the middle of our chaos if we were preparing to self-destruct.

She didn't deserve that.

After the first few weeks I'd started to doubt myself. I missed her so much my body ached. I missed her voice, the way she listened to me with her full focus on me, her eyes when they were piercing into mine, the way my whole body relaxed when she was around and I could be just completely myself around her. I missed her lips and their pale pink color, her touch on my skin and the way it made me melt. I missed her. The longer it went though the more I realized that she was better off with me gone. She was going to university. She had a plan and a future. I was a distraction, and she had told me once that she never wanted to be a secret. I refused to make her one.

My resolve had begun to fade by August but at that point the decision was no longer in my hands. To throw the press off the fights between the band that were becoming more frequent, management wanted me to stir up some trouble in the tabloids. There was a new singer in town, Jada Ray, and they wanted me to use her to cover for us until we could get our shit together.

I'd protested at first. I had already found my person, even if I couldn't be with her, I didn't want anyone else. My protest was met with rebuttals from Liam and Louis.

"Mate, you're single and it's fake. I don't see what the problem is" Louis argued.

"You know why I don't want to."

"You were with that girl-"

"Ellie" I cut him off

"Right. You were with Ellie months ago. You haven't spoken to her since we left. You're ignoring her calls. What's the problem?"

"He's right mate. We just need a distraction to get the press off the band as a whole's back. Can't you just take one for the team?"

I ran my hands over my face rubbing at my eyes. I didn't want to, but my hand was being forced.

So I'd agreed to meet the girl.

The whole thing was set up by our management team, I just had to show up. The first "date" was simple. I go pick her up in a rental car, take her for a nice dinner, take her home and give her a quick peck before walking her to her door and bidding her good night.