Cursed Salvation | Bellamy Blake |

chapter nine

| CHAPTER NINE | sometimes it gets hard

" her heart ached for something her head told her not to want "

「✱ ➶ ♕ ♡ 」

The door to our room slams shut, myself walking into the mess hall only to stumble upon Bellamy having a drink with Pike, who talked about a plan for the grounders. All it took was the word attack and Bellamy's agreement for me to storm out of the room. Bellamy must've heard, following shortly after. Spinning around, my whole body fumes, cheeks heating up with anger. "What the hell are you thinking?" I say loudly, my hands balled into fists, shaking.

"I was thinking, that the grounders killed my friends. Your friends! They betrayed us, Avalon! Left me for dead! What makes you think that they won't do this again?" He bellows, equally as loud. I stood there, utterly confused as to how Bellamy could be with me, see how the grounders live peacefully, and still agree with Pike.

"We're at peace, Bellamy! Our friends died, because of a war. We are not at war! We don't need to be! He's doing this out of hate, and I didn't think you were filled with it too," I seethe, narrowing my eyes in his direction, so fueled by anger that I want to see what he'll say next only to prove him wrong, to try and get him to see how stupid it all is. It's hard not to see the pain in his eyes, knowing it was because of what happened in mount weather. But it shouldn't be an excuse.

He swallows hard, hitting his fist against the wall. "Gina died, because of the grounders."

"That was Azgeda, and they'll be dealt with," I shake my head, running my hands through my hair in frustration. Never in a million years would I have expected Bellamy to be having drinks with Pike happy go lucky and talking about murdering for no reason.

He throws his hands up in the air. "And how many times will they do it again? I'm sick and tired of loosing people!" Bellamy's eyes go wide, and for a moment I can understand it. I always have understood him, even if it doesn't make sense to me. But its just like taking the stool out from under Murphy to appease everyone, because it' s the easy way. The easy thing is to not trust the grounders, to believe we'll be fine at war constantly.

"A war would only kill more people. I trust them!" I exclaim, my eyelids suddenly heavy, knowing exactly why the heavy feeling in my stomach was there.

Bellamy sets his jaw. "Maybe that's why the people at Mount Weather died."

My heart drops.

That's when the tears well up in my eyes that I blink away too quickly, not wanting to show that it got to me. I never, ever thought that Bellamy would use that against me. He was there with me when I wanted to not wake up again because of the guilt, when I didn't believe I deserved to be happy instead of them. It was the one thing he knew, that would truly, truly hurt me. And coming from him, it felt a million times worse, wondering if he truly believed that, if he thought I could have done something more. I suddenly didn't want to argue, didn't want to hear any more of it. It no longer was about Pike or the grounders, but about us. Bellamy almost immediately realizes the words that came out of his mouth, his face falling, and hands reaching towards me. Flinching away, my face twists in pain.