A Gay Boy's Secret Playlist ✓

Song #5

🎧

"JUN! PLEASE, LET ME explain." I say as I grab Jun's arm to stop him from walking away from me.

     Jun immediately pushes me away, surprising me because I never thought he'd do something like that to me.

     "Jun! Please! I was going to tell you. I swear. I was just afraid that you'd avoid me if I did." I tell him, and finally, Jun stops walking.

     He turns around to face me, his eyes teary.

     "Wonwoo, I'm not mad that you're fucking gay. I'm mad because that man knew about it before I did." He says, and I felt like I was going to cry any second when I heard him say those words to me.

     "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asks me.

     I look down on my feet and answer him, "You were the only close friend I have. The last one...he left me."

     "I'm not him Wonwoo! Has that not been clear to you?!" Jun suddenly shouts, immediately making me lift my head again.

     I was taken aback when I saw Jun actually crying now.

     "Have I ever done anything that would make you feel that you being gay would be enough to make me leave you? I'm literally a bad guy myself and you're not leaving me. What makes you think that you being gay is any worse?" He asks me, making me speechless.

     "I am friends with you because I like who you are as a person. If you think I will hate you because of your sexuality, then I must have not shown you how sincere I am with our friendship." He tells me, pain visible in his voice.

     "No Jun...I..."

     "I thought we were best friends. Or maybe...I was just mistaken." He says, and he finally walks away, leaving me crying in the middle of the hallway.

...

I was locked up in my room listening to today's playlist. It was actually very fitting since it was titled 'When it's dark out Playlist.' The song that I was currently listening to was 'Blue and Yellow' by The Used. The lyrics painfully spoke to me. It was like the universe was telling me that I should do something about this situation or else you're going to regret it.

"Well you're never gonna find it

If you're looking for it

Won't come your way

Well you'll never find it

If you're looking for it

Should've done something but I've done it enough

By the way my hands were shaking

Rather, waste some time with you

Should've said something but I've said it enough

By the way my words were faded

Rather, waste some time with you."

     It's my fault for not trusting Jun enough. He looked so hurt earlier that I wanted to curse at myself. But could he really blame me? I've been through this shit before, and the outcomes were different from how Mingyu and Jun reacted.

    But does that mean I was really at the wrong? Is it my fault for generalizing everyone? For thinking that everyone is going to react to how my old friends reacted?

     "Wonwoo!" My brother suddenly shouts from outside my door, interrupting my thoughts.

     I am seriously not in the mood for any of this right now.