Just Survive Somehow

Chapter 35 - Letters to Vulnerability

As I'd made my rounds I'd found one of the traveler cots empty and a note laying on the pillow. At first, I didn't think much of it, tucking the note into my pocket to read later I just continued on as usual.

After finishing my rounds, I went back to my room for some quiet time. I strolled in casually and sat down at my desk, taking the note from earlier out of my pocket and unfolding it.

Usually, if somebody had something they wanted to say before leaving, they'd find me, Jasper, or Ahren and tell us directly... I don't think I'd ever been left a note. I read over it carefully, not sure what to expect.

Dear Sasha,
Thank you for letting me stay. I've stayed longer than planned and need to leave but I have a few last words... Don't forget Jasper loves you, don't let him slip away. Any goodbye could be the last, keep him close... Please tell Jasper I'll miss him but he's better without me. This place changed me... I will survive again because of you.
~Lauren

I didn't know what to think. She'd left me a letter to tell me not to let Jasper leave my side and I find it right after I convince him to leave my side... that sounded horribly coincidental.

"I will survive again because of you." What did that mean? Had I given her the power to live on the road?

"Hey, Sasha."

Jasper's voice enters the room.

I'm hesitant about the letter. Should I let him read it? Or should I just give him the message Lauren left me for him?

"Hey," I say slowly as I turn to face him, letter in hand.

"What's that?" He asks, coming closer to me.

"It's a letter from Lauren... she wanted to thank me."

He gives me a small smile. "Did she say anything else?"

I nod. "She wanted me to tell you that she'd miss you but you're better off without her..."

His smile falters a bit. "Is that all?"

I shrug. "There's not much else..."

He nods, sitting down on one of the cots.

I press my lips together as I debate whether or not to ask him about his and Lauren's relationship... did I even want to know? Yes, I did.

"What exactly happened between you and Lauren?"

He looks up at me, his eyes suddenly looking guilty as our gazes meet. I slowly begin to regret asking even though I knew I that I needed to know about it.

"After the whole Cat and Allie thing, I told you that I needed space. Physically, we were always together but emotionally, we were farther apart than ever..." Jasper begins to explain.

Damn, this was going back a lot further than I'd expected...

"When Lauren showed up here, she and I just clicked. We started hanging out and soon I was spending as much of my free time as I could, with her. She was really the first person outside of you and Ahren that I talked to after everything. She was nice and friendly and I managed to keep her around long enough to make a move... and she let me."

There had been a lot between them after all. Even with that, she left him?

"But then you got shot... For those six days, I was lost. Lauren tried talking to me but I pushed her away the same way I pushed you away after Allie died..."

He and I had never lost our spark, the flames just weren't bright... Deep down he'd always cared, it just took some serious awakening for him to realize it.

"When you woke up, you had found me. I wasn't lost anymore and I suddenly knew that I couldn't live without you. Lauren told me she was going to leave and I was still hurt, but I had spent a week with you. I didn't blame her at all."

I couldn't muster a reply as he finished telling me everything.

"Lauren and I were just a short-lived moment of fake romance. You mean way more to me than she ever did."

I bite my lip. There was still another thing I wanted to ask him about...

"What is it?" He asked, meeting my eyes.

I sigh. "Why do you always act differently when Fletch is around or when he gets brought up?"

Jasper sighs back, rubbing his face in his hands. "It's really not any of my business to be saying anything..." He says, sounding muffled through his hands.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He takes his face out of his hands but doesn't look at me. "A couple of days ago, before Trent died, I overheard Fletch talking to him."

"About...?"

"About you."

My face warms up and I can tell that I'm blushing. "What uh... what about me?"

"How pretty and smart and kind you are. All the things that make you desirable."

Fletch had a thing for me? Had I just been blatantly not seeing it?

Jasper continues. "It just makes me uncomfortable."

I cock an eyebrow at that. "Why?"

"Why? Because I'm crazy about you, Sasha!" He finally meets my eyes. "I want you and I want you to be mine..."

Suddenly there was a vulnerability around Jasper. He was throwing himself into the open for me. But what about Fletch? What did Fletch matter? I couldn't push the thought out of my head... I'd wanted Jasper for so long but why? There was an undeniable attraction between us since we'd first met.

Allie used to tease us about it before she died...

But something about Fletch had caught my attention when I'd taken him on that fateful supply run Frankie got taken hostage on. I recalled the thought that I'd have only moments before Jasper had come running in saying Frankie was stuck...

...I found myself staring at the boy in front of me. He was... hardened. A lot like me. We'd both seen the shit hit the fan but we'd also lived to tell the story later. Then I saw what was right in front of me, not the hardened and been-through-shit boy, but the tall and handsome one.

I'd thought all of that about Fletch... Jasper hadn't been on my mind at all as those thoughts sank into my brain.

But now, I had Jasper in the palm of my hand. He finally wanted me. But, was I even ready to be in a relationship with someone? And Jasper was going to be gone tomorrow... I'd convinced him to leave...

"Sasha, say something."

I focus back on him in front of me right now. What would I say?

I wouldn't say anything.

Instead, I kissed him.

And he kissed me.

It was everything I could have expected. The spark between us was suddenly brighter than ever, but in the back of my mind, I knew it would be dark again tomorrow.

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A/N: OMG! 35 chapters in and they've finally kissed! It's finally happening guys, Jasha is sailing <3 but as she said, he's leaving so yikes... What have I done to my poor characters? Anyways, don't forget to vote, comment, and follow me for updates and other fun stuff!
~Xx THΔT RΣDΠΣCҜ

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