5 Seconds of Summer Preferences

Trying to Fix a Divorce pt. 1

But when Luke started coming back later and later, with photos on this website and that program of him and the boys out partying or seen in this club - you knew that wasn't part of the job.

You confronted him about it, of course - but it only resulted in whisper arguments that hurt you more than screaming matches because you could hear the steady fury in his voice, an anger and weariness in his blue eyes that weren't there before.

I'm just trying to have some fun.

And you'd laugh mirthlessly, eyes rolling.

I get that, Luke. I really do. But you've got other priorities now - a family. There are some other things that come before partying and drinks.

He never did change.

-

Luke had loved you in the beginning. He had loved you and your daughter, and the first few years were filled with happiness and joy and clumsy attempts at parenting that ended with laughter and stories to tell friends and family as a good dinnertime joke.

Your daughter's first words. Her first step. Buying all the toys in the world for her and baking in the kitchen and singing to her on Sunday mornings. Hearing her chatter on and on about the strangest things that brought the both of you smiles in the morning and snuggling in close with each other - as a family - at night.

But as the months turned into years, it was as if his love dragged out. As if it was wearing thin.

You loved him infinitely, with all of your heart. But it was different for him.

You didn't notice it at first. It was subtle, like soft waves starting to change direction. It wasn't until some more time passed did you realize you were going the wrong way the whole entire time.

Luke was drifting away from you - slowly and surely, drifting away from the boy who smiled at you with innocent dimples in his cheeks, drifting away the man who told you he loved you and your daughter, lively blue eyes identical to hers as he played games with her, as he gazed into yours.

He was drifting away, and wherever he was going, it was clear that he wanted to go without you, despite his previous promises.

I promise I'll always be by your side - forever and through infinity, through thick and thin, I'll be there.

Always? Always.

Going, going...

... gone.

-

Sometimes he left for tour without a single phone call home.

And it hurt you when your beautiful daughter asked you when's daddy coming back home?

You didn't know. You didn't know if he ever came back home again; not when there was something hollow in his eyes, lacking warmth, lacking love.

Soon, you always answered. Daddy'll be back home soon.

Soon, the Luke that you loved would walk back through those doors with a smile on his lips and something sincere in his heart. Soon, the man that you loved would come back to you, just like he promised.

Soon.

-

You didn't want to.

You really didn't.

But you had to.

You had fretted over it for nights and weeks and months of tossing and turning on your bed, alone. You were conflicted and lost, and every time you sought warmth or comfort or guidance, you would reach out and find that you were alone.