into thin air

in control

***** there is talk of sexual assualt in this chapter. please dont read it if that is a trigger for you. ill mark it off if you want to skip.*****

jaxs POV

me and Harley just made love. i loved having her in my arms again, feeling her under me. i felt whole again.

i didn't know what to think when she said we still needed to talk. i wasnt anywhere near prepared for everything she was about to say.

"i want you to know how much i love you and how amazing that just was. god jax so much has happened since i was taken i have no idea where to start or how to say it." she said droppong her head.

i put my hand under her chin and lifted her head. i looked her in her eyes "harley no matter what you tell me i will always love you. i will always be here next to you nothing will change my mind about you or us, nothing will chase me away. i promise." i leaned in and kissed her real quick.

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"i dont know if i should tell everyone at the same time. or you then everyone else. well i guess itll be easier to tell you alone. umm i should probably start with why i was taken."
she paused for a minute and took a deep breathe. "trent is the mastermind behind it. he got kyle in his plan and hes the one who actually took me. trent wanted me for personal reasons at first i had no clue why. but he told me after the first time he raped me." she was crying by now. i lost my breathe when she said he raped her, i was going to kill him.

"uhh he knows mary.. he was with her for a few months before she met pop. she chose my dad. trent was pissed. when she had opie he wanted to take him so pop or mary wouldnt be happy and hoped they would split. then she got pregnant with me and thats when he came up with his plan. he bought that farm in reno and kept watch. he tried to rekindle everything with mary once she left but that didnt work. so he went back go being obsessed with me. once realized you and i were together he got mad. i guess he didnt think we ever had sex or didnt want to belive it. but once he raped me he realized i wasnt a virgin and got mad. he called me a filthy disgusting biker whore just like my bitch ass mother. then when he realized i was pregnant he was even more angry. he knew i wasnt pregnant by him cause he always wore a condom he said he didnt want my pussy to get stretched out. so he told me he wouldnt harm me while i was pregnant but told me i wasnt going to bring that baby back to his house. im so thankful for sam and ashley for taking Johnathan. and thankfully i had him naturally, and i bled for two months after i had him. i convinced him to let me go to my follow up appointments to make sure everything was okay. i had them put a IUD in so i couldn't get pregnant again. i didnt stop bleeding until i was all healed up. i told him i wasnt allowed to have sex for a month after i was healed, i hoped he would let me go. but he didnt fight it, claimed he didnt want to hurt me. three months after i had J he started raping me again. he always wore a condom because he said he didnt want kids and didnt want to stretch me out, he didnt want to ever wait months like he didnt before. about a year after i was there is when kyle and the guys that were in the van started joining in. he made them all wear condoms. there were times he left me there alone with kyle. thats when he normally would tell me about the club, he told me he caused gemma to get in a wreck even showed me pictures. he had pictures of you fucking girls, there was no question that it was you. at first when he would show me you with other girls i would cry. then he would rape me and since trent wasnt there he wouldn't use a condom and if he did he would poke a whole in it in front of me. he knew i had sex with you but the only one who knew about Johnathan was trent. he would always ask how he felt inside if me bare and asked if i was ready to have his kid. he said he wanted me to have his kid so he could run it in your face once he decided to bring me back to charming. i was so glad i had that birth control put in. even though the raped me then always used lube because they said i was to dry and would always do alot to try and make me cum i mean it fuckin hurt but i never would. i would lay there and cry the entire time. after a while i became numb to it all and stopped fighting, i stopped caring. there were days all four of them would have a go in a row. i prayed and prayed for it to stop. trent never caught on to me going to sams every day, he doesnt know it all i hid it. i think they questioned it but never asked i dont think he wanted me to have to relive it. he knew he would hit me cause i had bruises. i stopped running when kyle showed me the pictures of gemma in the hospital from her wreck i didnt believe he would actually hurt yall until then. god i wish i would have let sam bring us home when i had J but i was so scared and worried about you all."