into thin air

taken care of

harleys POV

"we should talk jax." i told him looking out the window.

"okay. do you want to do that now or would you want to drop johnathan off?" he asked me.

"ive always called him jt or j if you want to call him that. i dont mind to drop him off with my dad, or ope. i would say take him to your moms but im sure shes at the clubhouse and i would rather him be there with all the sons anyway."

we dropped J off at the clubhouse with basically everyone. jax brought us to the old park. this used to be my favorite place to come with him, the roof of the clubhouse being a close second. but now i wish he didnt bring me here after seeing him tara here it hurt to be here.

i didnt make a move to get out of the car so we just sat there with the radio on low. after a few minutes i decided to get out, i was starting to feel a little claustrophobic. i figured i would walk towards the park.

jax walked next to me. i think we were both nervous. i sat down on the swing that we used to make out on years ago, i couldnt help but have memories flash before my eyes. jax sat on the other one, i could feel him looking at me.

"it feels so good to be out in the open like this." i admitted. "i bet it does. you dont ever have to worry about going through that again. im never letting you or our son out of sight again Harley." he said grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

i looked at our hands locked together than looked at him. he was so handsome, the few years we were apart did him good, his eyes were still the most captivating things ive ever seen. our boy has his same eyes and everytime i looked at J i seen jax, i loved that but it broke my heart everyday, it reminded me of what was us. we were no longer "us".

i pulled my hand our of his hold and he looked sad. "jax." i whispered looking down. "i know youre happy that im back, trust me i am too. and i know its alot to take in, its not just me i brought our son which i know is shocking. but we cant do this jax."

i couldnt even look up at him it broke my heart to tell him that but it was the truth. he was with someone. its been years, i was so different and im sure he was.

"what do you mean?" he asked me he sounded so broken and i hated it.

"jax we arent the same people we were years ago. alot has happened. i have to figure out who i am without having someone watch over my shoulder. you have a girl friend jax."

he stood up and pulled me to him, we were basically chest to chest. he put both of his hands on my cheeks.

"do you wanna know how many woman ive slept with over the last four years? hundreds. maybe more. i dont know. i barely see their faces. ive been with tara cause i was lonely. because i go tired of the endless disconnect, its been a sad time out. when im inside someone theres only one face i see. when you came home it was like some kind of sign like my past coming round giving me another shot to make everything right. for us to be together." he kissed me hard.

having his lips on mine felt like a peace i havent felt in a very long time. i forgot why i was against us being together. it felt right.

i pulled away "no jax. weve got to figure out how to co-parent. i have to figure out who i am now, who i am being back in charming, im used to being just Johnathans mom." i stepped back from him. "you cant expect me to come back and everything be like it was. you cant tell me you dont care about her, i seen yall. i wish i hadnt because what i seen and what i heard broke me. i was planning on leaving your ring for you to find later but once i heard that you loved her i left it as my way of saying by to us jax. yeah i hoped when i got to come home we could go back, everything could be the same but its not jax. im not mad, i couldnt expect you to hold out or wait around, you had no idea if i was even alive. i just want you to be happy jax you deserve that." i told him as my eyes welled up, i tried my best to hold my tears in but it didnt work.