Dark mind

Four Month's

He was suddenly alert.
"Wait, what? " he exclaimed.

My eyes darted to him in question. "What what?" I asked.

"Juniper, what the hell do you mean ?" He said standing up.

I raised my head.
"What do you mean?" I asked again, and my answer only seemed to annoy him.

"I know for a fact co-morbid is when a person has more than one chronic diseas or condition, in fact the correct term for it is comorbidity." He said and crossed his arms over his chest. He didin't look mad. He just looked concerned.

"Shit." I cursed under my breath. Great, turns out not only did I think it, but I said it aloud as well. Smart, Juniper, real smart.

I sighed. "Its complicated, Ty." I said softly, looking up at him.
He knelt down and sat in front of me.
He stroked my cheek and said "I can handle complicated."

I took a deep breath.
"The day your mom died was the day I found out that I was diagnosed with two mental disorders, scitsofrenia and O.D.D." I stated simply.

He frowned.
"What's O.D.D ?"

"Oppositional defiant disorder is a childhood disorder that is defined by a pattern of hostile, disobedient, and defiant behaviors directed at adults or other authority figures. It also has to do with my angry and irritable moods, as well as my argumentative and vindictive behaviors. That's what my therapist told me. It turns out my problem is bigger than just simple anger management issues." I said.

"I found out that my O.D.D was diagnosed at a young age and that my skitsofrenia had come up on an MRI I had gotten done a while ago. My mother hid both things from me, as per usual." I added when he didin't answer.

Silence again.
"Is your skitsofrenia that bad?" He asked tentatively.

"I hear voices 24/7 and I have serious issues of paranoia. Im constantly seeing shadows and my nightmares are on a scale of 1 to 10, a 20. Theres more to it than that but yeah." I said with humor.

"The nightmares again?" He asked.

"Theres more to it than you think. Basically, there's a man in my dreams that torments me. This started happening the night of my 16th birthday. Who is the man? I have a hunch its my dead brother, whom btw I saw die at the age of 6."

"Wait what? Your brother? You have a brother?" His eyes were wide with shock.

"Correction, I had a brother. He passed away when I was little. But I forgot all about him until recently, when I discovered he was real, that he had existed." I briefly explained.

"J, how can you forget you have a brother? How does that even work?" He asked, and I knew he found it as hard to believe as I still did.

"I also suffer from repressed memories. His death traumatized me and made me forget him all toguether, as well as miss out on full years of my childhood." I said in an almost dismissive tone.

"Wow, this is all so..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, crazy I know." I agreed, watching the waves as the crashed angrily on the shore in the distance.

"Why o you think its your brother? If you don't mind me asking, that is." He asked after a while, and I avoided his gaze.

"Because there's a curse in my family. A family member dies, is unable to find peace, his soul gets trapped in God knows where and starts tormenting a relative. The only way for the relative to help the family member find peace and free his soul is to say the relatives name three times. I dont really know how this works but thats the basics. The man in my dreams call's me Krissy, a nickname given to me by my brother. He was 16 when he died, I was 16 when I met him. It can't be a coincidence. " I said as the rain kept on pouring.

"But, he's your brother June. Why would he want to do anything that would hurt you?"

"Because I watched him die, he called out to me for help and I didn't listen." He frowned at me and I sighed.

"Wen I was six, we went to the river. We were playing and I had gotten out to get something to drink when a blow of water and took him away. He screamed at me for help but I thought it was all a game. I let him die and he hasn't forgiven me. I took away his life, Tyler. I don't-" I stopped talking and tightly closed my eyes.

"Its all a big nightmare. Thing's are kind of better than before, but its not enough." I sighed.

"June, look at me." Tyler said and I was forced to open my eyes.

"Of course its not enough. You dont deserve all of this shit that's happening to you. You were six Juniper, you can't blame yourself. You were too little."

"That's what everybody keep's telling me, Linda, Sussanah, Aunt G, my stupid mother, you. But your wrong. I could have done something to help him. Other people would have done it." I said bitterly.

"But your not other people, your Juniper. Dont compare yourself. Just because other people have it easy or act differently doesn't mean you should." He said softly, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear.

He raised my chin so I could look at him.
"Im sorry I didn't realize anything sooner. And here I was, complaining about my mom when you have millions of problems."

I waved my hand dissmisivly.
"Dont worry about it. Like I said, I know how you feel." I said, turning so I could face the water.

"I thought she was better, you know. I never expected this to happen. She was fine, finally in control. I should have seen the signs." I heard him whisper.

"We all think that Ty. But at the end of the day, you weren't the one who shoved drugs into their hands, you didin't give her the idea to chug it down with alcohol, you didin't tell her to do it. When your an addict, its extremely hard to get sober, to stop the tingling feelings, the urge, the desperation. All we can do is try our best." I said.

"You sound like you say it from experience."

I shook my head and once again leaned my head on his shoulder.

"My dad was an addict. Most of the nights I sneaked downstairs to get something to drink, he had a bunch of pills infront of him. I used to tell him to be careful and he always said he will. I could have told him to stop but he woudin't have listened. Same with your mom Ty. Those kind of things are beyond our control." I told him.

After that we took a walk.
Hand in hand, not bothering if we got drenched, not caring if we got sick. We were alredy sick.
Of the world.
Of people.
Of our lives.

But we didn't have the courage to say it aloud.
We didn't know how to stop it.
Thing's were spiralling out of control or at least, that's what my mind told me.

That day, I remember feeling my hope falter.
Thing's weren't going to change.
I needed to keep going.
If not, I was doomed
To stay in the dark,
Were I belong.

Edited