𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

journal one; entry six

"i didn't go to school today. 

i had to work today.

it made me feel disgusted. 

why does my life have to be like this. 

the touch of dirty hands and grimy fingers on my skin,

it makes me sick, 

it hurts me,

it makes me wanna disappear." 

- jjk 190431

he was sitting on the swings of the park across the street from his house, watching the little kids run and play around. enjoying their youth and being carefree. he envied them for that. because no matter how hard he tried it wouldn't happen. another day another dollar, another disgusting use of his body for someone else's own pleasure. only for a few measly dollars that would pay their bills. 

jeongguk didn't care about money like others did and he assumed everyone else was similar or had the same ideology but turns out that wasn't the truth. his own parents had shown him that when they forced him to give people his body for money in return. yeah their hearts were in the right place for wanting to be able to support their family but the way in which they acted upon those feelings was disgusting. 

it made jeongguk feel used and worthless, it adds to his despair. 

it adds to his story. 

its what makes him. 

him. 

"when i came home there was another person. 

another person to use me and hurt me.

but before they could do anything. 

my wrist began to bleed. 

sometimes i thank myself for being this way. 

it gets me out of the worst of situations sometimes."

- jjk 190431 (5:00PM)