April's Heart

A Year and a Day

It was probably because now that she felt able to let go of Kenny the loneliness was setting in. She hadn't had time to be lonely in the past year because she was too busy being angry and more bitter than Jae's black coffee.  But simply being close to him reminded her of what she was missing.  She was done wallowing in her misery.  It was time to start living again.

When April finished almost completely diluting her coffee with cream, she took both cups into the living room. She handed Jae his and he sipped it immediately because he either needed it that badly or he was trying to busy his mouth to keep from having to talk. She sat a comfortable distance from him on the sofa.

"It seems, by the looks of things," she said, "that the air didn't do as well for you as it did me."

Jae seemed to relax a bit. His shoulders lowered and he tried to smile.

"No, I suppose it didn't. My wounds, though, are fresher. The day after your breakup I bet you looked a lot like me."

"Oh, Jae. No. I looked much worse."

Jae laughed and had to put his hand to his mouth to keep from spitting coffee all over himself.

"I was a mess.  And as time went on, it just got worse.  I wore pajamas for three weeks. My hair, oh my goodness, I had just one big dreadlock. It was horrible."

"Oh wow. Hopefully, I'll recover before I get dreadlocks."

Jae laughed and it was such a welcome sight April just watched him, smiling.

"You're going to be alright," she said.

"How do you know?"

"I just know. Call it instinct. You'll be yelling on the phone again in no time."

Suddenly, Jae's smile faded and he lowered his head. April couldn't believe she had ruined the good mood he had been falling into. She scooted closer to him and placed a hand on his. What a stupid thing to say. How could she be so careless?

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

He didn't respond but when she started to pull her hand away from his he grabbed it back and held it tight. He breathed in sharply and looked up directly into April's eyes. He was crying. She moved closer, overcome with guilt.

"Jae..."

"It's ok. I know people in the building probably just see me as 'that angry Asian guy'. I don't want people to think of me that way. I don't want you to think of me that way."

April's heart fluttered. Why did he care what she thought? Why was he crying? Why was he still holding her hand?

"I don't think of you that way at all, Jae."

His bottom lip quivered as he tried to suppress his emotion.

"My mother is in Korea. She's sick. I pay for her nurses and caretakers to stay with her so she doesn't have to leave her home. I can't be there so they have to make her comfortable and happy. When she tells me about the pain...I wish there was more they could do, more I could do."

His voice cracked and April, without hesitation, pulled him to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed tight. She couldn't imagine the frustration of not being able to be with someone who needed her. His mother was halfway around the world and he had to listen to her cry over the phone with no way to ease her suffering.

"I'm sorry," Jae whispered, his breath hot on April's ear. She tried to ignore how good it felt to be embraced by a man after so long. Jae's strong arms were still holding her against him and though every fiber of her being was screaming at her not to, she pulled herself away from him, but he didn't let go. Instead, they sat face to face, his eyes resting on her lips.

She tried to say something like, it's ok, you have nothing to be sorry for, but when her lips parted only a small puff of air escaped. She had no idea how long they sat there, her trying to control her body's every involuntary reaction to Jae's touch. Him, staring at her like he intended to devour her whole.

Then, as if they were in every romantic comedy ever made, just as he leaned in April's phone rang. She hopped up both frustrated and relieved and rushed to the kitchen to answer it. Jae sat back, sipping his coffee, watching her intently.

"Yes, hello, this is April."

"April, I'm so glad I caught you. I'm going to need you here an hour early. Janice has some last-minute ideas about the pictures she wants.  If they're awful  I need you to ignore them.  I'll tell you if they're awful."

Oh my God, April screamed in her head. She had almost completely forgotten about her job that evening. This call from the wedding planner had saved her from getting a terrible review from a rather difficult bride. It also saved her from getting her first kiss in a year and a day. But if April was going to be honest with herself, and she hated to do it, she didn't feel right about kissing Jae. He was handsome and obviously very willing, but he had also just broken up with a girlfriend, apparently the night before. Being his rebound was not going to help her in her quest to find...whatever she was looking for.

"Sure," April assured the planner. "I'll leave right now."

She hung up and smiled at Jae who couldn't have looked more disappointed. This man, she thought, is fantastic for my ego.

"I have to go. I'm the photographer for an evening wedding ceremony and they have some last-minute changes to discuss with me. I'm sorry."

"It's ok," Jae said, still pouting.

After getting his jacket, she walked through the living room and he followed so close behind that she was sure he'd run into her when she stopped. She opened the door and he stepped around her and out into the hall.

"Thank you," he said. "For the coffee and everything. I hope I didn't..."

"You didn't."

April hated to admit how much she was starting to like Jae. It was so fast. Would she have pushed him away if the phone hadn't rung? Hell, no. She would still be on her sofa kissing this man she had just met. Therein lie the problem. She knew nothing about him or his intentions but at the moment his dark eyes made it hard for her to care.

"Maybe I'll see you later tonight," Jae was saying as he walked away. April had been so caught up in her thoughts she didn't even notice he had left.

"I won't be home until late."

"I'll be up," Jae called to her over his shoulder before turning the corner.

April backed into her apartment and closed the door. What exactly she was feeling she wasn't sure but it beat the anger that had been festering in her heart for the past year and a day.