Celestial¹ ↠ B.Blake

03

I'll never be that me
Again
↠

The days following the attempted breakup left Valour feeling more unlike herself then she'd had in years. Feeling like nothing more then a walking corpse, eating, sleeping, talking over the plans with Raven. Repeat. Her body seemed to ache to want to flea the Ark, to get as far as she could away from Grey, and the hold he seemed to have on her. Thinking of those few minutes she spent trying to gain her freedom made her eyes fill with tears, and her body feeling as if his hands were still on her skin. She had scrubbed at her arm, and chin until the skin was red, raw, and burned, and the shower water stung coldly against her skin. Raven took notice of the difference in her personality, but when asked she would say was, she was tired, and the whole Earth plan was stressful. Ether she was believable, or Raven too knew that their main focus needed to be on the ship, and saving as many people as they could. Plus Raven would be reunited with Finn. She knows he's what keeps her going.

As for Valour, knowing she could save all those people, that's what kept her going. Allowed her to get up every morning, to eat, to bathe, to smile at the horrible man she's continued to be with. But in her heart she knows the darkness she feels now will be worth it in the end. Earth, Earth is the dream.

"Please, literally anything. I feel so useless". Valour whines to Raven.

Raven and Abby are the whole reason they're making the trip to Earth, and Valour feels as if she's just hitching a ride.

"Well, I do need a pressure regulator". Raven tells the dark haired girl.

"Nygel"? Valour raises her left brow knowingly.

"Bingo".

•••

It wouldn't be the first time Valour had dealt with Nygel. At one point, just less then a year ago she had been making weekly trades with the older women, alongside the head guards son, Nathan Miller. Both teens came from Alpha station, the privileged. Which also came in handy when it came to thieving , nobody suspects the children of a council member, and head guard. But that all came to a stop what Nate had been caught, which came to a surprise as he was a better theft then she was.

Entering the area they eat their meals, a large man with facial hair, and dark eyes blocks Valour's way, touring over her, in both height, and size.

"It's not meal time yet". The man says.

"Good thing I'm not hungry then,huh"?She shrugs. "Tell Nygel her shadow as returned".

Shadow. The nickname Nygel had given Valour a couple years ago. After all it was easy for her to move around without being noticed.

"Well, well, well". Says the familiar voice of the women.

Knowingly the man steps away from Valour, allowing her to approach Ngel.

"How long as it been my little shadow"?
The women asks holding a cloth in her hand.

"Awhile". Valour replies. "I need a pressure regulator".

"What for"?

"To regulate pressure". Valour shrugs

"Haha, funny". She smiles.

"What do you want for it"? Valour crosses her arms.

Part of her feels odd being in Nygels presence once again. Especially alone. She had always been with Nate, or Raven and Finn.

"Oh, I don't move machine parts anymore". She sighs moving to a chair. "It's too dangerous. How about settling for some herb and moonshine like everyone else. Like you and my little bird used to enjoy"?

Valour has had her fair share of moonshine, nights with Raven and Finn trying not to get caught and barley able to stand. The corner of her lips pull up in the memory.
But she quickly pushes it aside, her focus has to be the pressure regulator.

"I know what you can and can't do, I need that regulator. What do I have to do"? She asks.

Nygel studies Valour, her head moving to the side as she seems to look her up and down.

"I owe a favour to the chief of electrical". She says with the hint of a smile on her lips. "And he's got a thing for tough pretty girls like yourself"-.

"No, your kidding right"? Valour raises a brow.

"I never joke about business Valour". She says seriously. "Your dads watching my every move. If I'm gonna do this, you're gonna need to make it worth my while".

She cringes. "By screwing someone to get what I need"? She says disgusted.

She knows exactly who she's talking about. A man she's seen on countless occasions, his looks always longer then need be on younger women. Nonetheless herself a few times. He was older then her father by a decade or so, plump and balding. Not a man she'd ever found the least bit attractive. Even his personality was disgusting.

Nygel throws her hands up with a shrug, and amusement glints in her eyes at Valour being uncomfortable.

"I can't". Valour's voice seemed to grow small.

"Then I guess you don't need to regulate pressure as badly as you thought you did". She says with boredom.

"Float yourself Nygel". Valour says with annoyance, turning on her heels defeated. Her words harsh, and unlike herself.

•••

"Sorry". Valours eyes don't meet Raven as she says the words.

"What's wrong"? Raven questions.

"I couldn't get it". She sighs. "It didn't work out". I'm sorry". She retreats from Raven.

She fights back the tears, trying to fill her mind with something positive, but it's as if her mind couldn't possibly allow it. The feeling of uselessness returning. She couldn't even do something as simple as getting a pressure regulator. She feels useless to the cause.

"Hey, are you okay"? She feels Ravens hand on her shoulder, and turns her head slightly.

"I'm fine". She lies.

"Bullshit". Ravens words are harsh, yet warm coming from her.

She tugs at Valour's arm, pulling her into her body tightly.

"You don't always have to be okay Valour". She whispers into her ear.

The words are enough for her to finally allow the walls built around her to fall, even just for a few minutes.