She Could Be Mine || A Malvie Fanfic

XXVI

Evie

I felt Audrey's arm draped across me when I first woke up. I turned my head to look at her, and she was still fast asleep. I smiled and carefully touched her arm. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," I giggled. Audrey rubbed her eyes, but she kept her one hand on me.

"I'm not my mother," Audrey laughed.

"Your arm is on me," I smiled at her. "Did you mean to do that, or was it a subconscious thing?"

She quickly pulled her arm away from me and brushed her brunette hair out of her face. "It must've been subconscious," she explained. "Did you... want my arm there?"

"I don't mind it," I teased. She still kept her distance, hesitating to go anywhere.

"So, I have to ask," I started, "since you were asking me the big questions last night. Were you asking about my sexuality because you like me?"

Audrey hesitated, keeping her eyes away from mine. "Uh... um... I mean, no, of course not," she obviously lied.

"You're a terrible liar, Audrey," I laughed. "How long have you liked me?"

"About three or four weeks, I think," she admitted. "I just saw you and Mal together, and it made me angry. I guess because I wanted to have that with you."

I looked down at my hands. I didn't want to meet her eyes; I was afraid of doing something I would regret later, given my state of disillusion and my blurred reality.

Fortunately -- or maybe unfortunately -- Audrey made the move for me. She leaned in and kissed me, placing her hands on my waist. She pulled away quickly, realizing what she had done. She covered her mouth with her hand, and kept her eyes lowered.

"Why did you stop?" I whispered.

Her eyes shot back up to me. This was a strange new look on Audrey: every ounce of confidence that she normally displayed had drained from her face. Her eyes were filled with something I'd never seen on her before -- fear of rejection. "What do you mean?" she hesitated.

"You just pulled away all of a sudden. Why?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I guess I... doubted myself."

"Audrey and doubt? In the same sentence?" I teased. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"Quit it," she laughed, playfully hitting my arm. "I know, I act all confident and everything, but -- just like everyone else -- I doubt myself, too."

"Why?" I asked again. "You're so beautiful, smart, funny..."

"Yeah, right," she said sarcastically.

"I'm serious!" I laughed. "I never knew that you didn't see that."

Audrey's eyes shifted up to meet mine, staring at me for what felt like forever. I tucked a piece of blue hair behind my hair, trying to break the awkward silence. To my surprise, Audrey leaned back in and pressed her lips against mine. This time, I kissed her back. I immediately knew I would regret it, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore.

~

I waited until classes to started before I returned to my dorm room. I quickly shut and locked the door behind me. I ran a hand through my hair, my head spinning. I threw on some clothes without really paying attention to them (but making sure they match, of course). I ran a brush through my hair and pulled my blue locks into a high ponytail. I put on a little bit of mascara, some concealer, and some blush.

I was about the leave when I noticed something on my desk. I picked up the small piece of notebook paper and carefully unfolded it. It was a letter -- from Mal.

Dear Evie,

You know that there's been a lot going on with me recently, and I'm not exactly in the best place right now. My mental health has gone way down hill, but I don't have to tell you that. You know that.

It hurt me a lot to break up with you, but I had to do it. I hope you understand that. I couldn't put you through any more of my pain. These are my issues to deal with, not yours.

But with my mental health, I couldn't bear to have to see you and face you every day. It would kill me, because I still love you so, so much. So I'm leaving. Well, by the time you're reading this, I'm probably already gone.

I gasped. Leaving? Already gone? Where the hell was Mal? I looked back down at the paper and continued reading.

I'm going to the Isle. There are some things I have to work out on my own, and I need to be away in order to do that. Maybe being on the Isle will help me face some of the fears and anxiety I've been holding back.

I love you, Evie. I hope you know that. Maybe I'll see you soon.

Love,

Mal

I looked up from the letter with tears in my eyes. Mal went back to the Isle. Again. I sighed and put the letter back down on my desk. I sat down at the desk, placing my head in my hands. I glanced at the date written on the letter. It was written two days ago.

I reread the letter over and over again, trying to make sense of the words on the paper. Was Mal really gone? Did she really leave all of us again? Carlos, Jay, Ben, Audrey, Jane, Lonnie... she left everyone. But especially me.

I carefully folded the letter back up and placed it in my backpack. I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I walked over to the door and opened it. I hesitated for a moment, looking back at the room. I stared at Mal's bed for the longest time. Am I ever going to see her again? I sighed and turned back around, preparing myself to have to face everyone. I walked out and closed the door behind me, trying to pretend that none of this was real.