I felt like dying.
It was the 1st of May. Tomorrow, we'd be entering the tour bus and be on our way through the states. We even had a sold-out show! That's unbelievable!
But I was nervouse as hell.
What if I forget the lyrics? What if I forget the chords? What if I say something stupid? What if I-
"Hey Liz." Jake, my younger brother, entered the livingroom and let himself fall down onto the couch next to me.
"Sup." I replied, staring at the TV, watching an episode of Ghost Whisperer I already knew. I was actually thinking if Nate and Tory, my two, (dead,) best friends too were ghosts. Maybe they're around. Maybe they're watching me, trying to talk to me. Maybe my real parents are doing the same...
"Tomorrow you're off for tour. Whatcha feel about it?" he tore me out of my thoughs. I sighted and shrugged;
"I don't know. I'm excited to be playing live, meeting fans and all that stuff. But what if I do something wrong?" I looked at my adoptive brother. "Hell, why isn't Dad around..." I sighted again. My adoptive father, Billie Joe Armstrong, was off to tour with a band he really likes. I was happy for him. I couldn't call my other Dad, Mike Dirnt, because I knew he was way too worried about Britt, so he didn't need to listen to my problems. That only left my third Dad, Tre Cool, the man I owe everything because he pulled me out of my misery.
"Don't stress yourself. You can't do anything wrong. And you know why? Because you're awesome and kick-ass." he smiled at me. I too smiled and slowly made my way up to my room.
Swallowing pills, getting changed in PJ's, plug phone in, check if anything important wasn't stuffed into a bag.
I was repeating this for three days now. Ryan, our leas guitarrist and my boyfriend, tought I went mad.
And every time someone thought that, it automatically meant they're worried.
The next morning I woke up way too early. But I was so excited I couldn't fall to sleep anymore. To my surprise, I found Mum, Mike and Tre in the kitchen. Dad was on face time.
"Morning. Why up so early?" Mum greeted me. I shrugged, got myself some coffee and lit a cigarette.
The next moment I was soaked with water which Mike poured over me. It turned into a kind of ritual since I poured a bucket of icey water over his head while he was sleeping in London.
"You asked for it." I got up and already had the glass in my hand, when suddenly Mum interrupted us.
"No water fights in the morning! Not after what happened last time!" she gave both of us, Mike and me, strict looks. We two put our glasses down. Tre ran over to me and engulfed me into a bear hug. Then I turned to look at my Dad.
"How's the tour going?" I asked him. We called and face-timed every night or morning.
"It's great here! Are you excited for your own tour?" he smiled from ear to ear. I nodded.
"C'mon Liz, we gotta get to the studio." Adie turned to me. She was right.
"I'm not leaving the house before I've finished my coffee." I said smiling. She sighted, muttering something under her breath and went away, probably to get dressed herselfed.
"Ok kiddo, how do you really feel?" Mike put his hand onto my shoulder. I stared for a second at the wall.
"I don't know. I'm so excited to be performing in front of a crowd, to meet fans, to give autographs. But I'm also so scared I might do something wrong, like, forgetting the lyrics, saying something stupid, or god knows what else!" I exclaimed. I was on the verge of breaking down. I searched my bags for my pills, only to realize I still weren't dressed. But Tre already gave me my bottle of sedatives.
"Here. I always carry them with me." he smiled a bit. I nodded, swallowing one.
"I'm just so scared..." my hands were shaking.
"Lassie - you've been touring with us for more than a month. You know tour life by now. You performed live in front of thousands and thousands of people, just enjoying the moment. There's no need to be scared. Because you know this way of life." Billie said into his phone. Mike and Tre nodded to that.
"Let's get going." Mike gestured me to get a move on. I nodded, taking a last glimpse at Dad (Billie) before I quickly got dressed.
*Ryan's POV*
May.
Here it is. Our tour is just about to start.
Well, if we four ever make it in time to the studio.
"Get a move on, guys!" I screamed around the house. Who'd ever thought that John, Lara and Emma could be so chaotic. Abbey was already done.
In case you missed it, she too moved in with us, which only left Liz. But we didn't want to push her. Because as much as we'd love to have the head of the group living with us and keeping us out of trouble, we respect that she's preferring to stay closer to those people who pulled her out of her misery.
"Oh my gosh, I so can't wait for us to be finally on the road!" Abbey exclaimed in happiness while we were waiting in the van. I sighted.
"Me too. Sharing a tourbus with four girls and a chaotic guy." I mumbled. Abbey shot me an angry glare, but I burst out laughing immediately.
"You've been definitely hanging out too much with Liz - you inherited her sarcastic-bastard-thing." she laughed at me.
"Unfortunately, I lately haven't seen much of that side from her." I sighted again. "I'm scared she'll relapse to the cutting. I mean, it's almost a year since they picked her up..."
*Abbey's POV*
Ryan's words hurt me. Liz was my best friend. Even though she was the new kid and I invited her to our table at lunch, she signalized me indirectly that she was there to listen. And I could tell her everything. All the time - except the time Tory died. And since then, these three months, she's been shutting herself off way more.
I'm scared that soon I'd be the one who'll loose someone - again.. It's always the people around me; or better said, it's always Liz. Two parents, two best friends. Gone.
And now I feel that she's just surviving, dealing with those anxiety attacks.
