A Little Innocence

~Synthetic~

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~I'm still alive but I can't feel. I got stuff inside but it's not real. They say I'm fine but I feel synthetic. Nothing human left in me~

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"Good night, and see you tomorrow." Her fake smile as she waved at me, made me return it with a fake one of my own. It was best to be polite and courteous, even if I did't mean it. Because if I wasn't, I am sure she would use that as ammo against me.

"Yeah..." I stretched and started walking toward the door. The smile fading from my face. She knew it would happen and I knew it would happen, so we went our separate ways. Her smile towards me, leaving her face as well.

I was a robot with pretend emotions. Sure, I could pretend to be chirpy and happy for the customers, but as soon as they were gone, I turned into an emotionless shell. Some people say that having anger or sadness as an emotion is wrong, but that means that the person cares or had at least once cared.

What is that like? To truly have emotions and to not have to fake them? To be able to smile without worries? To have someone to care about, and in turn care about me?

As I walkEd down the dark and dingy streets, I didn't know anymore. Hate, anger, sadness, pain, joy, laughter, love, all of it was foreign to me. The only emotion I had anymore was when I watched slasher movies. The red made my heart pound in excitement.

A car whizzed by and I don't notice.

What had gone wrong in my life to have made me this way? Loneliness. Once I realized no one truly cared about me, I couldn't stand the pain anymore and woke up one morning and found that I couldn't feel anything. It was like any and all emotion but disgust and disdain for the stupidity of the people around me had been sucked right out of me.

Yes, boohoo, I had a good life. Food, a roof over my head, clothes on my back. I should have been thankful. However, what I didn't have were friends or even a family that cared. The biting remarks, the gossiping, the fake smiles, the stabs in the back, the near death experiences (that were not from my own hand). No, I am a coward who hates pain, so why would I try to physically kill myself?

I stopped at a crosswalk and shivered. The coldness of the night was not lost on me as a droplet of water landed on my cheek.

No, it wasn't tears. I save those for my bedroom. It was the rain. I didn't want to get my clothes soaking wet or catch a cold, so I crossed the street and started to run as fast as I could, clutching my jacket close to my body.

The rain started to come down even quicker, and I feared that it may be a storm as the rain started to pour buckets.

I stopped outside my apartment as a loud meow echoed from behind me. What is that? I turned as a frown played upon my lips. Was there a cat caught out in the rain?

"Meow! Meow!" There it was again. It sounded like the cat was crying or calling out for help.

I saw the poor creature hiding under a car. It was shivering and cowering from the rain. I crouched down and held out my hand to beckon it. "H-hey, it's alright. Come on out."

"Meeeeoooooowwwww!" It took a hesitant step out from under the car and touched my finger with its nose. My breath was caught in my throat as I stared into the beautiful and glittering emeralds it had for eyes. They were such a piercing green that they didn't look real.