How Did I Ever Love You?

Chapter 20: I Don't Get It...

England's pov

I stuck to my word, I wasn't going to tell anyone about my... Bad habits... People can lie about listening to easily, I'm not risking it again. Then why do I still feel the need to?!

"They'll hurt you! You can handle this by yourself!"

"Yeah... You're right..!" I talk to myself a lot, not making anyone look at me any less weird. I was in the middle of class when all of a sudden I felt sick. Not like I was gonna throw up, it felt like it was all in my head.

"Yeah I didn't listen to anything you said."

Of course he didn't...

"Mostly because I don't really care about other people's feelings."

Now why would you?

"Just shut up for once!"

Okay then. I smacked myself on the head, trying to silence my thoughts. Although they were more than that, not just thoughts, my memories, that I can't get rid of. France has said so many things that made me feel worthless, even if it wasn't intended. But why?! What did I do to deserve this?! I never hurt him! Did I? If I did, I have no idea how.

Time skip because author can think of anything to put here

While staring at myself in the mirror, all I could do was insult myself. So that's what I've come to huh? This is pathetic... I didn't feel like talking to France, and America was probably busy, so I decide to text with Japan. He's usually free on this day. The conversation started normal, but me being the dumb fuck I am, had to accidentally drag him down in my hole of sadness and regret. He started showing concern for me, which I felt was a lie honestly. I've grown to understand that trust is a lie, a myth, something we make up to make ourselves feel better about stuff. Plus, like I said, people lie to easily, so why bother telling anyone if they can say 'I don't care' without even trying? I stood my ground and refused to say anything, although that made Japan more suspicious about whether I was really okay. Which I was, just a few small problems that's all...

"You need to say something."

"No I don't!"

"You'll just get hurt again! What have we talked about?!"

"Exactly!"

"It won't be like last time!"

"How do you know?" I started typing without even realizing it.

"You know what? Fine. But don't come crying to me when you have a razor in your arm." I finally pressed send, somewhat regretting my choice already. I explained everything again, everything I told France, though I added in what he did. Just to see how Japan would react. Which uh... Wasn't what I was expecting.

Japan: Really? I had no idea this had been going on...

England: How would you? I've never said anything?

Japan: Well doesn't mater now, look I think it would be best if you got some help... talk to your parents or something!

England: I can't do that! They'd be so disappointed in me...

Japan: Why? It not like any of this is your fault

England: Still... I don't think I can...

Japan: If you can't talk to them you can trust me

"But what about what I sa-"

England: You'd do that?

Japan: Of course! You're my friend after all.

I kinda sat there in shock for a moment, I felt like he was lying. Who wouldn't lie to me?! I didn't know what to respond with, if this was the truth, and he really did care about me, should I pass it up? It didn't make sense, I don't get this, I don't understand, but maybe it's real? The only thing I could write back was 'thank you'.